Secrets & Submission

ZANDER

Ella faces off against me, her phone in her hands, her cheeks pink with emotion. I fucked up. I know that. We shouldn’t have spoken about Ella when there was any chance she could hear. I can feel her slipping and it’s a first for us since her breakdown.

It won’t be the last.

Ella taps out one more message on her phone, then lets out a frustrated sigh. “You could tell me what it’s about at least,” she murmurs, peeking up at me, her head down, but her shoulders squared.

“Boundaries, jailbird.”

“You need to tell me what you were talking about. It’s not okay for you two to decide that you’re going to keep things from me. How is that fair?” The leather chair in the office groans under her weight as she sits down, only to immediately stand back up. She paces as she types out another message.

Kam better not fucking tell her. “That’s not what’s happening,” I say, attempting to reassure her.

“Isn’t it?” She holds up her phone so I can see the text from Kamden on the screen.

Kam: Is that the way you want it to go? Or do you want to ask him to tell you?

“He won’t tell me. Kam apparently thinks I should ask you, so that’s what I’m doing. What were you talking about?” she asks.

Good. Knowing that Kam isn’t going to put this knowledge on her is a relief, but I keep my expression neutral.

“We will take care of it.” This is as much a test for her as it is for me. She gives me the burden, and I bury it for her. A chill runs down my spine, knowing that’s exactly how Kam handled it last time. Or at least that’s what he implied.

“I don’t want you two to take care of all my problems and not even tell me about them.” Ella shakes her head, her long hair swishing around her shoulders. Swallowing thickly, she says,“I should know.”

“Ella,” I say and her name is a warning.

“You just have to tell me,” she says, her tone pleading.

Defiant. All I can think right now is that she’s being defiant and this will play out one of two ways. I give her nothing but silence.

With a frustrated sigh, Ella pushes past me. I follow quietly behind her, deciding how exactly to handle this. To handle her. She moves quickly through the house and to the kitchen, where she opens one cupboard, then the next. A box of tea appears in her hand and she puts it down hard on the countertop.

“Ella, stop.”

“I’m having tea,” she says, her voice high and strained. “That’s all I’m doing. If you won’t talk to me, then I’m going to sit down and have a cup of tea.” The water rushes down as she fills the kettle. Once it’s filled, she turns it off with pent-up anger and adds,“Is there a problem with that?”

I cross to her in two steps and take her chin in my hand. The kettle lands hard on the counter and her shocked eyes look up at me.

Her chest rises and falls quickly. She’s going to break down in a few minutes if I don’t stop this, and I will stop this. Ella doesn’t need to be swept up in fear.

It’s just that now isn’t the time to tell her.

“Jailbird, I’m sorry you overheard our conversation. We should have had it elsewhere.”

She lets out a shaky breath. “No, you should include me,” she pleads.

“No.” My voice is firm. “I’m not going to tell you at this moment.”

“Is it bad?” she whispers and I tell her it’s nothing I can’t handle.

With her lips pressed in a thin line, she stares past me, not at all happy.

“I apologize for causing you fear and distress, but now’s not the time for you and me to discuss the topic. You need to be reminded of the rules.” I keep my voice quiet. “The way you’re acting right now makes me think you’re being purposely disobedient.”

Those last two words do exactly what I’d like them to do.

A new flush comes to her cheeks. Telling Ella she’s acting out deliberately is the same as telling her I’m going to punish her, and she loves to be punished. It reinforces our connection to one another and it’s a healthy release for her. It would probably do her good.