“Justwhat?”
“Isn’t it a bit soon? I mean, having a relationship, moving in together is one thing. Bringing up a kid is quite another. What if it doesn’t workout?”
“They’re both good people, Bryce. They’re mad about each other. Why wouldn’t it workout?”
He swipes a hand over his face. “Because even good people can fuckup.”
“And you think they’re going to dothat?”
He shrugs his shoulders. “No… I don’t know,” he sayshonestly.
“Then what isit?”
“It’s a big responsibility. We’ve all experienced what it’s like when a parent lets usdown.”
“We have, so we know better than anyone why we can’t allow that to happen to any children we might choose to have. Just because my mum was a drunk and a lousy mother, doesn’t mean I will betoo.”
“That wasn’t what I…” Bryce says in protest, but I raise my hand, cutting himoff.
“Just because Nisha’s mum was a drug addict, just because she checked out of motherhood, it doesn’t mean Nisha will do the same. Even when we were kids, Nisha was more of a mother to me than myown.”
“I get that,” Brycestarts.
“This isn’t about them, is it?” I ask gently. “This is about you, about us, right? Bryce, do you want to tell me what’s really on yourmind?”
Bryce turns to face me. He looks haunted. “Do you want a familysomeday?”
“I’d like to,yes.”
“Me too. Fuck, more thananything.”
“Then what’s the problem? I don’tunderstand.”
“When Cal announced that he’s going to be a dad, my first reactionwashappiness but then it was followed byenvy.”
“Envy?”
“Yes. Damn it, Louisa, I want to be a dad. I want to make right what went so horribly wrong for me but I’m afraid I’ll end up like him, like my father.” A darkness passes over his features, dulling the golden shards in his hazel eyes. My heart squeezes inside my chest. Bryce has never told me what happened to him as a child or how he ended up in care aged eight. From what I can gather he came from a violent home, but he’s never elaborated. Before, I didn’t want to pry. I knew there would be a time he would be ready to tell me. I guess that time is now. He drops his head into his hands and I slide to the sand, kneeling in front ofhim.
“Bryce, talk to me,” I saygently.
“Ican’t.”
“I’m here foryou.”
“I can’t…” herepeats.
I lift his chin with my fingers. “Bryce, nothing you will say will ever stop me from loving you. Ipromise.”
Drawing me close, Bryce presses his forehead against my own. I rest my hand against his chest. I feel the strength of his heart beating beneath myhand.
“You can do this. I won’t stop loving you,” Irepeat.
Bryce pulls back and takes a shaky breath before speaking. “My dad was a violent man, Louisa. My earliest memories are of him beating my mum. There wouldn’t be a week that went by without him hurting her. He was a sadist. Hudson’s mum and my dad would’ve got along famously.” He takes my hand in his, gripping it tightly. “I came home from school one day to find my mum covered in bruises, bleeding. She was a fucking mess. He had almost killed her and yet she was at his feet, begging for his love. My dad was sitting at the kitchen table smoking a cigarette and drinking a cup of tea as though it was a normal day, as though he hadn’t nearly beaten her to death. I remember looking at his knuckles, seeing the blood across his skin and feeling this rage. I hated him for what he did to my mum. I hated her for never having the strength to leave him. My mum saw me standing in the door…” He stops, pressing his fingertips against his eyes. “Do you know what she said tome?”
“What did she say,” I askgently.
“She looked me straight in the eye and said the reason why my dad hit her was because of me. That his rage was my fault, that I was responsible for his anger and herpain.”