Lost Love (Cowboys & Angels 1)

Cord chuckled. “Hardly. But she isn’t talking to Steed.”

I sat up. “W-why?”

“She’s pissed. Disappointed. Angry. Sad. Guilty for not being there for you.”

My arms wrapped around my queasy stomach. I hadn’t thought about what it might be like for our parents to find out they had lost a grandchild. Swallowing hard, I closed my eyes. “When I saw him, I was so happy for about thirty seconds. Then every ounce of anger came rushing back. All I wanted to do was kick him in the balls. Then his little girl came running up and my heart broke all over again. I felt so angry that he had a child.”

Peeking up at Cord, a small sob slipped from my mouth. “How could I be angry about an innocent child? But I was, and in that moment I wanted to tell him how unfair it was for him to have a baby with another woman when he didn’t want ours.”

Cord’s eyes seemed sad. “Paxton, he was eighteen and scared shitless. It was a kneejerk reaction and he came to his senses.”

“You didn’t see the relief in his eyes. He was glad I lost the baby.”

“And there wasn’t a small part of you that didn’t feel the same way?”

Tears made their way down both cheeks. “No. I had a part of Steed inside of me and even though I knew it was going to change everything, that baby was a part of us. A part of our love. I was scared, yes, but to say I was relieved, no. It was the opposite.”

I glanced away and let out a soft chuckle. “Or at least I thought he loved me.”

“He did. He does, Paxton.”

“Ha!” I said. “He left town and never came back, Cord. He left me to deal with the loss of our child all alone. I almost failed out of my first semester of college because I was an emotional wreck. Not only did I lose a baby, I lost the love of my life.”

Cord inspected the floor with a somber expression before glancing back up. “You did threaten to cut off his dick if he ever came back.”

A small smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. “He could have called or written. Asked how I was. He did nothing.”

“I’m sure he has a reason, Paxton. Maybe y’all should talk.”

Cold swept across my body. All those feelings I had worked so hard to bury were rushing to the surface. “Why? He’s moved on and has a family of his own now.”

Cord looked like he wanted to say something, but he held back.

I fought internally over whether or not to ask the next question. My curiosity quickly won out. “What’s his wife like?”

Cord roared with laughter. “Steed ain’t married to that nutcase anymore.”

Sucking in a breath of air, I tried not to let that bit of news show on my face too much. “What happened?”

Cord raked his hand through his hair. “You sure you want me to tell you? Maybe it ought to be Steed.”

“Well, considering you never told me he was married or had a daughter, I think you owe it to me.”

His face fell. “Damn it, Paxton. You’ve avoided me like the plague. Hell, you’ve avoided the whole family and you even admitted it. Besides, like I said before, it needs to be Steed telling you.”

“I’m sorry. It was just so hard. You’re all a reminder to me. Especially Mitchell. It hurt too much to see the family.”

Cord nodded. “I know. I’m sorry I let you push me away. I’m no better than Steed to have let you deal with things alone.”

I shrugged. “S’okay. And you were there after he left.”

He nodded. I knew he felt terrible about what had happened. He was even younger than me and Steed, so for me to expect him to have been there would be crazy.

“What happened with Steed’s wife?”

He took in a deep breath and pushed it out. “Steed hadn’t dated anyone else until Kim. They met seven years ago and from what I could tell, it was only casual. Then her parents died, she threatened to do some serious shit, and Steed panicked. He didn’t know what to do so he asked her to marry him. By the time he realized he had fucked up, about a month after they got married, he told Kim he wanted a divorce. She told him she was pregnant. Well, as much as he didn’t want in the marriage, the guilt of what happened with you hit him and he stayed. After she had the baby she turned into a different person. She thought Steed was going to come into money. He tried a few times to file for divorce and she told him she would take Chloe and he would never find them. It got to the point where my parents had to meet Steed and Chloe in secret so Kim didn’t find out.”