Would I ever be able to do the same? As kin to a god, it felt like I would never find a moment of rest. I would be on call at all times. How would I carry a child let alone raise one in a life like this? An urge that I’d never felt before came over me. It hit me like a truck. Yearning filled my chest, but it was a barbed feeling that tore a hole in me that I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to fill.
I’d seen my fate already. So long as we survived this fight, my thread promised a childfree life. It was for the best, but that didn’t stop the gentle ache taking up place in my chest. All those questions didn’t matter when I knew that it wasn’t an option. My line ended with me.
The others pulled away from Ness, allowing me to step back, too. I retreated behind Vi and Cerri while they excitedly barraged Ness with questions. From a distance, I could almost pretend that this didn’t bother me.
Maddox appeared at my side. He touched my arm. The gentle graze of his skin against mine was enough. The flood gates opened. I spun and lurched out of the room so I could cry in privacy.
I threw myself into the bathroom before hot tears fell down my cheeks. Maddox and Potato were hot on my heels. Maddox let the cat rush past him before he closed the door to give us a sense of privacy—I saysensebecause he could likely hear everything still going on in the living room, which meant that Ryder would be able to hear us, too.
Potato shoved herself into my arms, curled up against my chest, and started purring. The little feline had belonged to someone else, but she had become my cat in the past few weeks. I adored her affection, especially in times like this.
Maddox crouched in front of me and put a hand on my knee. “When this is all over, we can try to start our own family.”
My lips formed a grim line. I didn’t know how to tell him. I’d seen our fate threads. There were no children in our future. Maybe I could try to change that, but my previous concerns weren’t going to simply vanish. We would never be safe. If we tried to change our fate and start a family, then our children would be in danger at all times.
A sob escaped me. I pressed my hands to my mouth to hold the sobs back, but I could barely smother them. I wanted out of this vicious cycle. I understood why Bastien and Paige rebelled against the system we were bound in. None of this was fair, and it hurt to see others live out the lives that we wanted for ourselves.
“It’s n-never…going to…h-happen.” I could barely choke out the words. They caught in my throat and stuffed my nose.
Maddox gathered me into his arms. Potato let out a soft mew but didn’t move otherwise. It wasn’t like she needed to breathe. We couldn’t kill her, and I think she knew that, so she stayed where I needed her the most.
We were supposed to be making plans. Fenrir was still on the loose, and there was no one else who could stop him. I had to pull myself together, but it felt like I was coming apart all over again. It was like Fenrir had torn me apart, and I didn’t know if I could put myself back together one more time.
Maddox held me together when I couldn’t do it myself. He tilted my chin up and ran his hand along my cheek to wipe away my salty tears. I gave him a shaky smile, to which he returned with a steady one of his own. The sight of him made me exhale. A bit of relief blossomed in my chest.
“I have been surrounded by death for most of my adult life,” Maddox said. “Even if we can’t start a family, this is the most alive I have ever felt. So long as I have you, I will be happy. Everything else is far more than I have ever expected for myself. Until you, I thought I would die alone.”
I gripped the front of his shirt like he might vanish just by speaking those words. When he didn’t, my lips trembled more. We could die soon. Despite all the changes I’d made to my own fate, Fenrir could ruin it all with his desire to end the world.
We had to get up and get out there to stop him before anything else happened. When I pushed back to stand, Maddox gave me a questioning look.
“Are you sure you’re ready?”
I didn’t know how to answer. There was no time in my life when I’d been ready for what fate threw at me. I hadn’t been ready when Bastien tried to bury me alive. No one is prepared when gods show up in your bedroom.
“Let’s do this.” My voice wobbled, giving away my caution.
Still, Maddox nodded and stood beside me. He pulled a couple squares of toilet paper and cupped my chin so he could carefully wipe the tears from my face while I cradled Potato in my arms.
This.
This was what I fought for. I would never let him go. Maddox meant more to me than any potential family. Even if we couldn’t conceive, I would still have him. And I would be a godmother, soon.
I let out a laugh. “Ness’s child is going to have two divine babysitters. Really puts thegodingodparent.”
“I didn’t expect a dad-level joke from you.” Maddox slid a laughing grin in my direction.
He turned to open the door. A dark figure loomed in the doorway. I let out a shriek. Potato hissed in my arms. My view of the door vanished when Maddox put himself between me and the figure.
A thunderous rush of footsteps boomed down the hall towards us. Even from behind Maddox, I heard Hel’s tired sigh. I shoved my way out from behind Maddox and marched up to the tired goddess.
“What are you doing in my house?” I nearly shouted at her.
She leveled a pale blue glare in my direction. When she held up her hand, palm out, towards my friends, a shimmering wall appeared between us and them. I started to argue, but Hel’s shoulders dropped as she turned to me. I could tell that she wanted to be real with us for the first time…ever.