With that he walked off.
And I realized in that moment I was wrong about so many things. Because as the waves crashed against the sand, as I dug my nails into my hands, one truth kept screaming at me from somewhere I thought long dead.
He already had a piece of my heart.
And I was powerless to stop him.
Chapter Twelve
Demetri
“So. Did you think about it?” Mrs. Murray was chewing her gum wildly behind her notepad. Ever so often I would hear her swallow and then pop the gum. I think I made her stressed when I was in one of my moods.
“Yeah.” I closed my eyes. I was so damn confused. It seemed no matter how careful I thought I was around Alyssa, she was always running off. Or getting that weird look on her face. Like she wasn’t even present, but somewhere else entirely.
“What’s her story?” The first thing I asked when I plopped down on the floor the next week for my counseling session.
Mrs. Murray had smiled. “I can’t tell you that.”
And we had sat in silence for the last ten minutes, until finally, she mentioned being the group facilitator again for group therapy.
“I don’t know.” I pulled the toothpick out of my mouth and sighed. “I still don’t know if I’d do a good job.”
“What if I told you a certain girl was going to be attending the first session?”
My head snapped up to attention. “Alyssa?”
Mrs. Murray rolled her eyes. “Yes, but remember, during session times she’s off limits. Besides…” She took a deep breath.
“There’s a lot about her that you don’t know.”
“Tell me about it,” I mumbled. She’d been ignoring my phone calls all weekend. When I stopped by her parents’ store they always had some sort of lame excuse or said she was using the bathroom.
Either the girl had some serious bathroom issues, or she was gone. Either way, I was persistent.
This afternoon I even stopped by before my session. I knew she was working, but when I went into the store, all she did was hand me three pieces of taffy and began helping another customer.
I took the taffy and walked out.
They were burning a hole in my pocket, but she had taken the joy from that stupid habit. I had resorted to chewing the hell out of toothpicks and eating lollipops like it was my job. I needed something in my mouth, and I knew if I stopped eating candy or sucking on things, I would revert back to old habits, especially with the stress of Alyssa on my chest.
“When’s the first session?” I asked, twiddling the toothpick between my fingers.
“Tomorrow night.”
“What do I say?”
Mrs. Murray smiled and handed me a packet. “Everything’s in here. You’ll do great, I promise.”
“What if I would have said no?” I took the packet from her hands.
Mrs. Murray shrugged. “Let’s just say I know you better than you know yourself.”
“And that’s not a creepy thing for a shrink to say…”
I scratched my head and opened up the packet. Worksheets tumbled out, as well as nametags for the members to fill out. It reminded me of my AA group info I used to take back home a while back.
“Trial run?” I pleaded, giving her my best smile, making sure to remove the toothpick so the full force of my dimples was present.
She arched an eyebrow and shook her head. “Nope. You either commit now or I find someone else.”
Damn the woman drove a hard bargain. “Fine.” I cursed.
“But no autographs, no picture taking, and I swear I’ll sue the first person who says anything about my personal life.”
“Easy.” Mrs. Murray pulled out another piece of paper.
“Every member has to sign a gag order. If they talk about you or each other, they’ll be liable.”
“Good.” I took the paper and thrust it in the folder with the rest of my papers.
“Ten minutes,” Mrs. Murray reminded me. “But you can leave early if you like, take some time to go over the information.”
I didn’t want to admit that I was waiting for Alyssa. But Mrs. Murray had her Jedi mind tricks. “She switched session times, Demetri.”
I laughed bitterly and clamped down on the toothpick.
“Right.”
Mrs. Murray stood, meaning it was my cue to leave. I took the papers and put them under my arm.
“Demetri?”
I stopped and turned around.
“For what it’s worth, I think you’re good for her.”
I licked my lips and looked down at the ground. “Nah, I’m probably not good for anyone, but I wanted to be good for her. I wanted it really bad.”
“You still can be.” Mrs. Murray placed her hand on my shoulder.
I shook my head. “You can lead a horse to water, Doc…”
She tilted her head in agreement, and I left.
**** By the time Saturday night came around, I was a nervous wreck. I read through some of the profiles of the group members, mainly just information on their ages and stuff. But there was a picture next to each name, and that stupid picture made me nervous as hell. It meant I had to talk to a person about things I hated talking about.
What if nobody showed?
What if nobody cared?
Or worse, what if they just came to make fun of me? I had nothing to offer them.
I pulled the lollipop out of my mouth and focused on the door, willing people to come in. Mrs. Murray had decided to have me host the group meeting at my house instead of hers. She thought it would feel less professional.