“How much did you hear?” I asked.
“All of it.”
“What do I do?”
“I can’t tell you that.”
I broke. I could count on my right hand the times I’d broken in my life, where I’ve cried and felt so completely helpless that I just wanted to crawl under a rock and die. My heart was shattering, and there was nothing Mrs. Murray could do, nothing I could do, nothing drugs could do to stop it. Nope, this was life, pure and raw. And as much as I wanted to numb it, at least I was living while that bastard was dead.
Mrs. Murray didn’t say anything else. She just held me while I shook in her arms. I wasn’t even crying. I was too upset, too pissed to cry. I wanted to break something, to break him. I would do anything to take the pain away. Because I knew there was no way I could keep this from Alyssa. I would give Holly some time, but if she never said anything, I would. And I knew the minute I did, Alyssa’s trust for any guy would shoot straight out the window. Didn’t she tell me she couldn’t feel for a guy? That she was afraid of losing someone?
How the hell was I going to expect her to handle my life? My fame? With girls swarming? I mean, I could tell her until I was blue in the face that I loved her, but the memory of Brady would constantly plague her.
Shit. Just when I felt like I was helping her get over the guy there’s another rock thrown into the mess. It was like he was trying to keep her from me, even in his death. I hated the person he had turned me into.
I was saying hate an awful lot these days.
When I stopped trembling, Mrs. Murray released me. “Give Holly some time.”
“And then what? Pretend like my heart isn’t freaking breaking?”
“No,” Mrs. Murray said calmly. “Then you do what’s right.”
“What if by doing the right thing I lose it all?”
“This isn’t about you, Demetri.”
“No.” I shook my head. “It’s about the girl I fell in love with.
The taffy girl at Seaside. The very beautiful girl that I have to let go of, and it kills me to let go of the girl who stole my heart. A heart I won’t ever give back, because it belongs to her now, my best friend.”
Chapter Twenty-five
Alyssa
Two days. It had been two days since I’d seen Demetri. He’d stopped by the store once. And sadly, I’d watched him through the window when he sang his jingle. He looked like hell.
I wanted to hug him, to touch him; was he upset with me or something? He’d texted me a few times, but we hadn’t really hung out and it sucked. It made me realize a few things about myself.
First, I was pathetic. And second, I really liked him. I more than liked him. I couldn’t even sleep anymore because memories of him with me in bed kept flooding into my consciousness, making me toss and turn like crazy.
It was time. I needed to be bold; otherwise, I was going to lose him. At least I knew I couldn’t stand to lose him. I felt like I was making progress, and it was all because of Demetri that I was!
I even put away the yearbooks scattered in my room. I didn’t have the heart to throw away Brady’s sweatshirt, so I hid it in my closet.
But at least I wasn’t wearing it. See? Progress!
I smiled to myself and wiped down the counters. I only had another hour and then I was going to hunt that boy down and kiss him. I shivered just thinking about it.
“Someone’s happy today,” a familiar voice announced. I hadn’t even heard the bell jingle above the door. Sam walked in, hands in his jean pockets. Handsome just like his brother, only this time when I thought of it, it made me smile instead of cry.
“Need a taffy fix?” I grinned. He didn’t smile back. “Sam, what’s up? You need sugar that bad?”
“No.” He shuffled his feet and refused to look at me directly in the eyes. Geez, what was his deal?
“So, you’re here to stare at the ground? You know you can do that outside, right?”
This time his lips tilted upward into a smile. “You make things hard on a guy, Alyssa.”
I didn’t like the tone of his voice. “Well, I have been told I’m difficult.”
“More than difficult.” He pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper from his pocket and fidgeted with it. “I, um, I have something for you.”
“Aw, a poem, you shouldn’t have,” I teased.
“Alyssa.” He groaned and stuffed the note back into his pocket. “Never mind. This isn’t right. I’ll… I’ll see you later.” And just like that he bolted.
“Weird,” I said aloud. If I didn’t know better I’d think he was just about to pass me a note that said, Do you like me? If you do, circle yes. If you don’t, circle no. The guy was super nervous-looking.
Oh well. I didn’t have time to think about his reaction much, considering four customers walked in when he walked out.
An hour later I was walking along the beach. I had texted Demetri and told him to meet me there. I don’t know why I was nervous. I mean, we’d kissed before. Actually, we’d kissed more than a few times, and every time we did I could have sworn I heard music.
I smiled. I was smiling a lot more now. Maybe there was more to all that regret stuff.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Demetri’s familiar voice made my head snap to attention. He was standing right next to me. Fitted jeans hugged his hips. He had on chucks and a tight black t-shirt that said Shaken not stirred.