Not really. No. Because it may just take away the smile on my face.
“I regretted not telling you how I felt about you, and then I regretted not being the guy to pull you out of it. I abandoned you, and I’m ashamed I did. I mean, I was still here working and keeping an eye on you, but it was never for Brady. I mean, I lied to you when I said that. He never asked me to. He wouldn’t have asked me to even given the opportunity. Every day I saw you I felt worse and worse for keeping things from you, things about him, but then I was afraid if I told you, you’d finally be pushed too far, and no one would be able to pull you out of the depression.”
“Sam!” I fisted my hands at my sides. “What do you mean the things you didn’t tell me?”
“Not now.” Sam pulled an envelope out of his pocket and put it on my dresser. “I don’t even know what’s right anymore, Alyssa. But I had to get it off my chest. Please forgive me for lying to you. Forgive me for being selfish, and forgive me for not being the friend you needed.”
“You’re already forgiven.” The words fell from my mouth without effort and I meant them. I had no idea Sam felt that way about me or what type of relationship he’d had with Brady. I’d always assumed they were like best friends. I guess this was all the information I was getting from Sam tonight. He stormed out of my room and said thank you, but not before I saw some stray tears slip down his face.
With shaking hands I lifted the packet from my dresser. It wasn’t addressed to me, but there was a sticky note on it that said I’m sorry.
“Surprise.” Demetri put his hands over my eyes. His voice was unmistakable. Sometimes I swear it seemed like he was singing instead of talking, his voice was so smooth. The package fell from my hands, momentarily forgotten.
I turned around in his arms and kissed him. “Happy Birthday.”
“Where’s my present?” His naughty hands moved up and down my body and then he cursed. “Damn, you even wrapped yourself up. How am I ever going to get you out of these clothes when you look so perfect?”
I tried to wriggle out of his arms, but he held me firm while he continued to stare at every part of my body from my shoes all the way to my dress, and finally his gaze fell on my hair and then my lips. “God above, you are absolutely breathtaking.”
Shrugging, I replied. “I wanted to look pretty for your birthday.”
Demetri rolled his eyes. “You look pretty even when you snore.”
Laughter echoed from downstairs. I punched him. “I do not snore.”
“I’d like to find out.” I should have said I already did, but I wanted to see if she let me stay over again.
“Someone took their confidence pills today.”
He shrugged. “‘Course I did. They were sitting right next to my damn sexy pills, and we know I never forget those.”
Demetri laughed and pulled me into a hug. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” If I didn’t stop smiling, my face was going to be permanently frozen in this position.
“What’s that?” Demetri’s brows furrowed as he looked down at the ground. My eyes followed.
“Crap.” I picked up the envelope and threw it onto my dresser. “That is drama. Something I have no desire to even look at on this special day.”
“You sure?” He looked behind me and reached for the packet, seeming more interested then he should be.
I blocked his reach. “I’m sure. Now let’s go start group so we can go to your party!”
He grinned and picked me up, twirling me around the room.
“Fine, you’ve convinced me. I like you, Lyss.”
“Like you too.” I bit my lip as he dropped me and grabbed his hand, and we made our way down the stairs.
“Let’s party!” Aaron announced from the living room. I’d put some snacks together and told my parents that they needed to stay in the den so that we could all have privacy.
Demetri shook his head and took a seat next to Aaron. The rest of us gathered around. “Okay, so this meeting will be short, because you know, it is a very special day.”
“You got a promotion?” Connor teased.
“Wait, I’ve got it.” Aaron snapped his fingers. “You don’t have to sing the jingle anymore?”
“Hilarious.” Demetri smirked. “Birthday boy, right here.”
He pointed at himself and then leaned back in the chair and sighed.
“Regrets. We talked about them at our last meeting. You know, before I snuck all of you out of my house. Tonight…” He cleared his throat. “I want to talk about fear.”
Again the room was silent. Even I was shifting in my seat.
How did he know so much about grief? It felt like you always went through those phases, denial, anger, fear, regret… I watched as Demetri’s eyes hooded for a brief second when he glanced at me.
He soon jerked back to attention and addressed the group.
“I’m afraid of ostriches. Just ask Alyssa. Oh yeah, and emus.
But to be honest, I’d take an emu any day over feeling the gripping out of control feeling fear leaves you with. After you struggle with something hard… like addiction or losing someone you love, suddenly you realize nothing is certain in life. Nothing is real.
Clearly, I took the pansy way out and started pushing away life and numbing myself to it. Today I want us to talk about healthy ways to deal with our fear.”