Strung (Seaside 0.5)

One pill.

One pill? I had one pill left? Did that mean I took three last night? My body started to shudder — mixing pills like that with alcohol wasn’t just stupid it was careless and I’d never been careless with my drug usage.

The sun wasn’t up yet. I watched the waves crash on the ocean, listened to the calm around me and suddenly felt like crying. Either that or ramming my head into the nearest wall.

I liked Nat. Like really liked her and I’d kissed another girl last night, pressured the girl I liked to drink, and then I’m pretty sure I yelled at her and got punched by my brother.

My life should really be a bad sitcom.

Two paths.

Why did the easy path have to be so damn easy? Would Nat forgive me? Hell, I wasn’t sure if I would forgive me if I were in her shoes.

Without a second thought, I got cleaned up and went downstairs to make coffee. I had a hell of a lot of groveling to do.

Alec was downstairs in his running gear drinking a protein shake.

“Ass hole,” He sang. “You’re awake.”

”You punched me.”

“You deserved it.”

I sighed, “I know.”

We fell silent. I shuffled towards the coffee maker and pulled out a mug.

Alec cleared his throat.

“Thank you,” I whispered, “For taking care of Nat, for, being a good brother when I just keep screwing things up… I just…” I felt my emotions take hold. Damn I just wanted to cry all the time. I hated that feeling. I hated feeling PERIOD. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” Alec said quickly.

Curious, I looked up.

He wasn’t making eye contact.

“Did you guys just stay up and talk or what?” I asked.

“We played Go Fish.” A ghost of a smile flashed across Alec’s face. “And then I put her in bed.”

“Without you?” I had to ask it. I hated myself for even needing to ask it. But it was Alec. He had a tendency to screw other people over.

“Yup.” He nodded. “All by herself.”

“Okay.”

“Demetri?”

“Yeah?” I licked my lips, waiting for the lecture I so desperately needed. “What’s up?”

“Fix it.” Alec’s eyes went dark. “Fix it or you’re going to lose her.”

“I will.” I stumbled over the words. “I swear.”

We didn’t say anything more to each other. I made coffee, then went upstairs and knocked on the door.

Nat stirred in her bed then let out a sexy little moan and stretched her arms above her head.

“You have no idea how much you affect me when you do that,” I whispered.

Her eyes flashed open.

Yeah I was fully aware that I looked like a nightmare. My eye was black and blue and I hadn’t even done anything to my hair. And my clothes probably looked out of place considering I’d thrown on something normal. That normal people wear. Like normal jeans and a normal white t-shirt.

Nat’s eyes darted to the floor where a pillow and blanket still remained, “He’s downstairs making breakfast. He said he’d give me some time to talk to you but that if I make you cry I have to drown myself in the ocean.”

She nodded. “I agree to those terms.”

“Ouch.” I chuckled and looked away. “I don’t even know what to say, Nat. ‘Sorry’ just seems lame. ‘I’m an ass’ sounds a little better, but I just don’t know what to say.”

I plopped down onto the bed and ran my hands through my hair. “I really like you. I’ve never liked a girl as much as I like you. I meant everything I said last night. I want to be with you.” She had to know that much was true. She had to believe me.

“And every other girl at Seaside,” she added, her lower lip quivering like she was going to cry. Shit. She could not cry!

“No!” I grabbed her hands and kissed her knuckles. My heart sank to my knees. “You don’t understand. I only want you. I know I seem like a screw up, and that’s because I am. I can’t believe I’m saying this. I think you’re the forever girl. The one you bring home to your parents, the one you spend Christmas with, the one you have children with. You’re that girl, Nat.”

Holy Hell. It was true. A little light just went on in my dark drug-filled brain. She was that girl — she was different, she was… I mean she could be… mine. My mind went to that place. The place where there weren’t any drugs, just me and her, laughing, holding hands, spending Sunday afternoons together in bed.

“I don’t know how to respond to that,” she whispered.

I sighed. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, Nat. What I did was childish and stupid. I got drunk at a party and made out with a complete stranger just because she was in front of me. I don’t even remember who it was. I only know she had blonde hair. I really did think she was you, but when I noticed she wasn’t, I was too drunk too care.”

Nat hunched over. “Well, at least you’re honest.”

“Honesty sucks.” I exhaled and looked away, looking directly at her hurt my heart, and my heart hadn’t hurt in that way in a very long time. It was a new feeling, not being numb. I wasn’t used to it. “Nat, I want to be with you. Let me earn your trust again. Let me be the guy I’ve always wanted to be. I want to be that guy for you.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “I can’t save you, Demetri.”