Strung (Seaside 0.5)

“I’m the best bed partner ever.” Nat joked trying to nudge me, instead, her nudge made it so she fell back against me — forcefully pushing our bodies together in a way that really, really, mimicked all things sexual.

I closed my eyes and cursed. When I opened them again, it was to tell her that this thing, whatever we had, couldn’t ever be real. It had to end. It was too hard being close to her. Holy shit I was going to officially de-friend a person.

“Nat, we should, um, go for a run.” Yeah. That’s what I went with.

“Okay.”

Neither of us moved.

Her breathing picked up speed as she lowered her gaze to my lips.

She didn’t stop me. Not when I leaned closer to her, not when my head descended, not when my hands curled around hers pressing her softly against the mattress and not when my mouth found her lips — and lost all control. Nat reached around my head and pulled me tighter against her. I wanted to grind my hips against her — I wanted to take every inch of clothing she had on and rip it to shreds starting with that damn t-shirt that was Demetri’s.

Shit. Demetri.

Nat’s tongue met mine.

With a groan, I pinned her hands harder against the bed, and threw my other leg over her body straddling her so completely that I could feel every inch of her.

My tongue pushed deeper into her mouth, tasting, exploring. Her body arched up to meet mine as I tried to retreat. There was no way out of it. I wasn’t in control of anything anymore — her tongue retreated briefly as she gasped for air, our mouths falling apart for mere seconds before I took her lips captive over and over again, bruising them, forcing them to desire me — instead of him.

Finally, somehow, I gained control. Maybe it was there all the time and I’d just been choosing to ignore it. I sucked her lower lip, allowing myself one last taste, and pulled away. “I’m sorry, Nat.”

Every muscle flexed in my body. Not kissing her was almost as bad as kissing her because now I could see her. I could see her perfect little body beneath mine, her hair splashed across the white pillows.

“Why are you always apologizing after kissing me?” she asked, slowly moving to sit up.

I laughed bitterly. “Because I shouldn’t be kissing you, Nat.”

“But I thought you liked me.”

“Liked you?” I roared causing her to scurry back against the headboard. “I don’t just like you, Nat. But it doesn’t matter.”

“Why?”

“He loves you, Nat.”

“I…” Her eyes darted from my face down to her feet “I care for Demetri, you know I do.”

I swallowed and looked away. I didn’t know how to find the right words. Would normal words even work in this situation? How could I describe to her how I felt? Without betraying my brother? Without hurting her in the process?

“I just care about you too,” she whispered.

“Damn it! Do you have any idea how screwed up this is, Nat?” Her shoulders slumped in defeat as she nodded her head.

“It won’t happen again.” I swore. “I promised him it wouldn’t happen again.”

“What do you mean? Why are you so cryptic?”

I bit my lower lip and then let out a long sigh. “I would lose much more than your friendship if I answered that question, and regardless of my actions around you, I still truly desire to be your friend.”

“Can you? With this between us?” Her eyes were hopeful.

I was quiet for a few minutes. It felt like hours when I finally found my voice. “I have to.”

“So that’s that?” she snapped.

I stood and turned to face Nat. “Yes. End of discussion.”

She glared and threw back the covers to the bed. “Fine, let’s go for a run.”

“Nat.” I reached out and grabbed her hand. “Please don’t be mad. I don’t think I could handle it if I knew you were mad. I know you don’t get it, but we’re messed up, both of us. My brother and I. You’re the only one that’s been able to bring him out of it. He needs you.”

“More than you do?” she whispered looking down at the floor.

I cursed. “No.”

Her head jerked up.

“I just know at what cost it would be to have you, and it’s not a sacrifice I’m willing to make.” I finished.

Tears pooled in her eyes as she nodded and wiped a few stray ones that had slipped down her cheeks away.

“Don’t cry.” I moved behind her and pulled her body against mine. I hated her tears. Hated that I was the reason she was crying — again. “I promise this is for the best. He can make you so happy, Nat. He deserves to be happy. You love him, I know you do.”

She nodded, and without turning around said softly. “I love you, too.”

I love you too? I LOVE YOU TOO?

How was it possible to be so happy yet so defeated at the same time? I opened my mouth to speak as I clenched her tighter. Two heartbeats, maybe three, possibly four — that’s all it took for me to change our paths — our destiny forever.

“I love you too.” My lips grazed her ear and as the words fell from my mouth I knew — I would never love another — the way I loved Nat Murray and even if she was with Demetri for the rest of her life — I would live every day still loving her — Forever.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Demetri

BLAH-BLAH-BLAH. Holy crap, slap me in the face. If Angelica didn’t stop talking soon I was seriously going to take a dive off the edge of this building. I was drinking water like it was going out of style and trying super hard to appear interested.