Strung (Seaside 0.5)

“It’s possible.” She grinned.

“Did you wear my clothes too?” I teased.

“Yup.”

Damn, I groaned out loud. I didn’t think she’d actually say ‘yes’ and now all I could concentrate on was hunting down those same clothes and putting her back into them again. “Ah, you are killing me, girl.” My finger threaded through her hair. “You’re so damn beautiful, Nat. And you don’t even know it. You don’t see what everyone else sees. This beautiful, bright girl — you’re like the sun.”

“The sun?” she repeated.

“I want to revolve around you.” My voice shook. I’d never been so obsessed with a girl, so careless with the way I felt — she made me want to be careless.

I felt myself stumble a bit as I latched my mouth onto hers. Was I that much of a lightweight now? I’d had two shots before our performance. The first alcohol I’d had in weeks. Not that it was any of her business or Alec’s. I was in complete control.

Except… I kind of liked it too much.

And then there was that whole situation with Angelica stuffing something in my pocket when I left for the airport.

The something just happened to be oxy, with a note that said, “More where that came from.”

Um, it came from the devil so pretty sure it was laced with poison, but still. It was burning a hole through my pants. Swear the drug sang to me. It sang to me in times like this when everything was too much — when all I could feel was her. When I wanted to be numb, and dive back into that protective shield drugs gave me.

Slowly, I moved my hands to the back of her dress and found the zipper, tugging it downward. My tongue flicked her teeth and then plunged into her mouth, forcing her to either kiss me back with the same ferocity or pull away.

She kissed me back, curving her body into mine as she tried to match each kiss, each flick of my tongue, each placement of my hands as my fingers dug into her flesh.

Her kisses were strange. She’d kiss me like she wanted to have sex with me, then she’d all of a sudden freeze, and then kiss me again, and then freeze. Hell, my tongue and other parts of my anatomy were extremely confused and frustrated. Sexually frustrated.

“No.” She pushed against my chest. I backed up and cursed as her expression turned guilty.

“Sorry, Nat. I didn’t mean to get out of control.” I didn’t want her freaking out. If she wanted to wait we’d wait. I probably wasn’t in the right mind for that sort of thing anyways. It just… naturally happened with me. “Nat, damn.” I tugged the dress back up and set her back. I’m sorry, I’m just used to more. I’m sorry.”

“Demetri, you’re fine.” She kissed me briefly on the cheek and pulled me into a hug. “It got out of hand, it’s fine.”

It wasn’t fine.

She slept in my bed.

Wore my clothes.

Was alone at night with Alec.

Could I trust him? Did I trust her? Even when her mouth made me believe she wanted me — her eyes. Those same eyes that were staring right back at me? They were sad. Almost like she felt sorry for me.

I couldn’t stop shaking if I tried. That was it. All this time I thought it was love — instead, she was giving me pity.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just promised, that’s all.” I cleared my throat.

“You promised?”

I nodded. “Myself. I promised I wouldn’t have sex with another girl unless I knew for sure.”

“Knew what for sure?”

I swallowed and looked away. Hating that I was being such a bastard about it. “You like him.”

“Him?” she repeated.

I rolled my eyes and softly pushed her away. “Nat, I’m not stupid. We’ve alluded to this conversation many times before. It’s always the same. I feel like I’m fighting this invisible battle, and you make it that much worse when you pretend to be ignorant.”

“Alec.” She breathed his name like a kiss. The way she said his name — it was different then the way she said mine.

I couldn’t look at her. “Has he kissed you?”

“Yes,” she mumbled. “But, he told me he wasn’t good for me, he pushed me away, we both decided we were better friends. It was a mistake.”

I watched the waves roll across the shore. “I just don’t get it. I don’t understand why it always has to be like this.”

“Like what?”

I shook my head. “I need to change, Nat. My flight leaves in an hour.” I quickly peeled off my shirt, Nat gasped and reached for me.

“What?” I braced her shoulders. “Are you okay?”

“Your, um, your tattoo.” Well crap. No way out of that one without telling the truth and I’d prefer to be high if I actually had to tell her. “What does it say?”

I exhaled and looked away. “My heart will be yours forever.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “Just like Alec’s.”

Damn it! I’m not HIM! I wanted to scream. Why did it have to be like that? Why did she have to want him? I jerked her against my body until nothing separated us. “I’m nothing like Alec.”

Nat tried to pull away, but I couldn’t let her, she had to understand “Please, Nat. I’m not him, I’m not him.” I closed my eyes and touched my forehead to hers, wanting to cry. Wanting to tell her the truth, begging her to love me even if the truth was ugly. “I was never him. She knew that, but it didn’t matter. I just want to be me. Love me.”