William opened his eyes and met the face that had lingered over his bed night after night, kissing his forehead before he fell into sleep. Her dark hair was curled and floated around her pale face like a cloud. Her bright blue eyes shone like stones in the candlelight. They reminded him of the river stones he and his brothers skipped and played with. Usually, they danced. But now? They glimmered with emotion.
“Mama?” he queried again at her silence.
She sat on the edge of the bed, her dark green travel skirts sweeping over his blankets. He reached out, and she took his hands in her gloved fingers.
“Yes, my love, it is Mama.” She paused, her lips tightening, but then she smiled at him. “I have come to bid you goodnight.”
“But, Mama, I’m already asleep,” he pointed out.
She nodded, and her face changed slightly. There was something different about it tonight. Her dark curls bounced against her shoulder as she bowed her head slightly. “Yes, my sweetheart. I know. I’m sorry for waking you, but I wanted to come and say goodbye. I’m going away.”
“Going away?” he echoed, confused. He did not feel alarmed, for his mama was often away for the weekend or sometimes for several days. She attended many house parties. It was the role of a duchess, he knew. He’d been told all his life about the duties that she fulfilled and how she was doing good things for the family and the country.
But she’d never woken him in the middle of the night before.
She squeezed his hand.
“Yes, my pet,” she affirmed softly. “I could not bear to go without coming to kiss you. And hold you. One last time.” She swallowed and said, her voice strained now, “I shall miss you so much.”
“I shall miss you, too, Mama, but I shall see you again soon,” he assured, hating to see her sad. He would be strong for her now as she had been strong for him so many times tears had flowed from him. He would hold her hand and make sure she knew all would be well in but a short time.
William reached up and placed his hand on her cheek. Her eyes shone with tears, and a single one slipped down her face. Gasping, for he had never seen her cry, he brushed it away. “Do not cry, Mama.”
“Oh, my sweetheart,” she said through her tears. “I love you so.” She licked her lips and drew in a shaking breath as she smiled, assuring him now. She took him into her arms, holding him to her chest, wrapping him in the arms he knew and loved so well. “Now, you must take care of Ben and Kit whilst I’m away.”
“I will, Mama.” He felt odd. Unsure. But he needed to show her how big he was. How capable. He pressed his face into her neck and whispered, “We have been promised to go for a swim in the lake tomorrow. It shall be wonderful.”
“Of course it will, my dear,” she said firmly, squeezing him. “Promise me you shall have adventures, and love your brothers, and be as good as you possibly can. Be happy, my darling. Promise me.”
“Of course, Mama.” He tried to pull back, but she held him fast to her, and he felt a hot tear splash onto his shoulder. “Will you bring me back a treat when you come?”
“I love you, darling,” she replied, and then she eased him back onto his bed. Quickly, she dashed her gloved hand over her cheeks. She bent and kissed his forehead. “Goodbye, my sweetheart.”
“Goodbye, Mama,” he said, even as he knew in his heart something was wrong. Something was very wrong. But he always trusted everything would work out. His mama had always promised it would. So he smiled up at her. “I shall see you again soon.”
Again, she said nothing but pressed a kiss to the top of his head. She stroked his cheek, then slipped off the bed. As the rustle of her skirts filled the room, he tried to go back to sleep in the darkness.
But he felt alone… So very, very alone.
William jolted awake.
Sweat poured down his back, and his heart slammed so hard in his ribs he was certain it was going to spasm.
That dream had sent ice spilling down his spine. Will sucked in air.
God’s teeth. He had spent years trying to forget that memory, the night his mother had woken him in the middle of the dark and bid him adieu.
After staring into the shadows, he had finally drifted back to sleep with the safe assurance of a child who knew he would see his mother again.
He never had.
And he would never forget the softness of her cheek against his hand or the way her tear had felt as he’d wiped it away. He would never forget the scent of lavender and vanilla that had wrapped him up in safety. Or the feel of her lips against his forehead.
He would never forget the way she had looked as she said goodbye.
He had not understood it then, but she’d not been saying goodbye for a few days. She’d been saying goodbye forever, because she had fallen in love with someone—someone besides his father.
It had been years before he’d realized his father had sent her away. And she’d run with her lover because she had so few choices as a lady.