Not today.
Today, each step felt as if she were slogging through mud. But a short time ago, she was content, independent, and pursuing her cause.
Now? There was a hole in her heart where William should have been but chose not to be.
How the devil was she going to survive this? She would, though. She knew one couldn’t die from a broken heart, but oh, how she felt but a shadow of herself.
It seemed terribly cruel to have discovered a partner with whom to face the world, only to have that partner abandon her.
Margaret was but a step behind her, talking with one of her friends, veritably skipping along in her sense of purpose.
If she could be happy at all, it was for Margaret, who had seemed to discover herself. It was truly a wonderful sight to behold, seeing Margaret realize she was more than just a beautiful young lady destined to wed.
There was an air of melancholy about her cousin, though. As if the cost of her newfound knowledge had been high indeed.
The box of pamphlets weighed Beatrice’s arms heavily today. This outing did not seem to be as helpful as she hoped it might be.
But she could not stay in William’s great townhouse alone and stare out the window, wishing that he’d come to his senses.
Though her heart ached, she wouldn’t allow herself to succumb to misery. Even if she felt miserable.
It was interminable, her present state. Not that her worth was based on a man’s love, but that she had lost her dearest friend.
And for what?
She winced.
She wouldn’t allow herself to think on it.
No, she’d allow the day’s work to carry her through. It was the only thing that did. Besides, she absolutely loved making trouble for the stodgy old men who would pass her by.
Or at least she had.
None of it filled her with the cheer it had once done.
It wasn’t fair, the way things had gone, but it had also been unfair of her to expect him to behave differently than he’d promised.
He was a duke, after all, and dukes did have a tendency to be distant, arrogant, and emotionally cold. He’d warned her.
And yet, hope had sparked in her heart. It had been a ridiculous thing to hope. She had no one to blame but herself.
Yes, Will had made it very clear what he wanted and did not want.
And he didn’t want to love her.
It was she who had not been able to abide by the rules. In all events, she was glad she had stood by Maggie, because Maggie was blossoming every day.
Their poor uncle was in his house, awaiting financial disaster, which had not yet seemed to come. He sent them missives often, asking if they were well. And of course, every time he saw his daughter, he hoped that she had reconsidered and would marry Kit.
She understood why. Of course he wished to see Maggie safe and secure.
He loved his daughter.
But such petitions would not maneuver Maggie. She’d learned she had her own will, and she’d also learned that knowing herself would allow her to know if she truly loved Kit.
Perhaps one day soon, perhaps love could blossom again…if Kit could wait and still loved Maggie’s adventurous new self.
Beatrice, too, was discovering she was stronger than she had ever known, but she didn’t always enjoy it.