“I don’t think so. Not right now. Maybe sometime. He’s just . . . a lot to take.” Had he met Sloane?
“I think I can handle it, but it’s up to you.”
“Thanks. Now, have we talked about enough other things that we can go back to the drunken phone call I received from you last night?” Crap. Fuck. Hell, crap, fuck, Jesus.
“What phone call?”
“Nice try, Sunshine, but I know you remember and I know you don’t want to discuss it; but since you said it, I feel the need to say something too.” He took a deep breath and I cut him off.
“I was drunk. You don’t have to say anything. I . . . I didn’t mean to say it like that. I didn’t want to say it, but there it is. I wish I could go back and unsay it, but I can’t, so there it is. But I don’t know if I’m ready to say it sober yet. Which doesn’t make any sense.” I was rambling again and I wasn’t even drunk. I waited for him to say something.
“I love you, and I’m completely sober and I’ve wanted to say it for a while now, but I didn’t know if you’d say it back.”
It shouldn’t come as a shock to me when he said those three words, but hearing them in his voice was a whole different thing than I thought it would be.
“I’m not ready to have your ginger babies. But I love you.” I said it in a whisper, as if it was less true if my voice wasn’t that loud.
He sighed.
“I wish I was with you right now.” I wanted to reach through the phone, grab him and pull him into my room. Why hasn’t science made this possible yet?
“I wish you were here.”
“I can come over.” Even as he said it we both knew it wasn’t possible. It would look too suspicious if we were both out, and I wasn’t willing to risk it.
“No, you can’t. Not right now, but you can later. After work.” It killed me to say that, but I had to.
“Why must you be the voice of reason, Miss Clarke?”
“Because I’m your boss. And you’re my sexcretary.”
“We’re going to have to talk about that. I think we need to have some more trade off nights. I have some more dirty uses for office supplies that I want to try out.”
Mmm, that sounded really, really nice. As long as staples weren’t involved. Ouch.
“We’ll talk later. I’m going to go shower because I’m pretty gross right now.” I sniffed my armpit and was actually glad that he wasn’t here to witness it.
“You’re never gross, Sunshine. Or at least you’re not gross to me. But I’ll see you later. As long as my brother doesn’t have a disaster between now and then.”
“I’ve got my fingers crossed,” I said and then wondered how we were supposed to end our phone conversations now.
“Am I allowed to end this conversation by saying that I love you and I’ll see you later?” he said.
“You’re asking my permission?”
“Not really. I was going to say it anyway.”
“Well, I’m not going to stop you. I love you, too.” I almost had a giggle fit after I said it and it made my toes curl under thinking about seeing him tonight.
I set the phone down and fell back against my pillows with a happy sigh. And then my door flew open and Sloane came barreling across the room and jumped on my bed with a scream.
“You totally love him!” She pulled me up on my feet and started jumping on my bed and I had no choice but to jump with her with.
“You love him!”
“I know!” We jumped until we were both out of breath and I was worried about the structural soundness of my bed.
“I’m sorry, I just felt that needed to be celebrated.” She held up her hand and I smacked it with mine.