“Really? Even though I don’t perform sexual favors?” She’d really changed from that timid girl whose voice shook whenever she spoke and had the wide doe eyes, to a sassy and confident woman who wasn’t afraid to tell me what to do.
“You can’t have everything,” I said, handing the list back to her. “And really, thank you.” She nodded and went back to her desk while I finished my coffee.
I texted Lucah before lunch, asking if he wanted to maybe meet with me and eat together. I needed my daily dose of Lucah. If there was anything that helped with my stress level, it was seeing him.
He messaged me back right away and said that he could meet me at a little bistro two blocks away. Perfect. Now I had something to look forward to. The moment I realized that I wasn’t looking forward to my workday hit me like a lightning bolt.
I loved my job, but the actual day-to-day had become something I didn’t enjoy. It was too hard to come here and be separated from Lucah, and be worried about Dad losing his job or me losing my job, or someone else turning against me, or something else going wrong. It was like walking through a minefield. Each step was exhausting.
I was exhausted.
~*~*~
“Is something wrong?” Lucah said the second he saw me. I didn’t have the energy to hide my emotions. Not with him.
“I’m so tired, Lucah. It’s all too much.” I put my head in my hands like Dad had earlier.
“What is, Sunshine? Talk to me.” He reached out and tried to tug my face so I would look at him. His beloved face, so twisted with concern made my heart ache.
“I just . . . life is just a lot to handle right now, that’s all. I’m having a bit of a hard time.” I was able to hold a lot of the tears back, but a few escape and raced each other down my face. Lucah picked up a napkin and wiped them away.
“Is it everything with Ryder? Because he’s moving out really soon and then we’ll have our place—” I shook my head to stop him.
“It’s not Ryder, specifically. It’s everything. It’s work, and worrying about Dad, and hoping that Ryder doesn’t go down the deep end again, and wondering what’s happening with him and Sloane, and everything with Violet. Then there’s you and I love you so much and sometimes it scares me. It’s everything.”
“Shh,” he said, wiping some more tears. “It’s going to be okay. You’re the strongest woman I know, apart from my own mother. You’ve taken on so much at a young age, and you’re always so worried about everyone else. You just care so damn much, Sunshine.”
I did. I did care too much. It was one of my flaws.
“But I wouldn’t have you any other way, because you’re the woman I fell in love with. And it scares me because I’m afraid that all this caring is going to hurt you, break you. It’s too much for one person to handle.” I had to nod because he was right.
“I’m okay, Lucah. I promise. I just need a reminder once in awhile. Good thing I have you around. What would I do without you?” More than anything else, losing my job, everything, losing him was at the top of the list of things I was scared about.
“Oh, you’d be just fine. I’m the one who wouldn’t survive.” He got to his feet and took my hands and pulled me up to mine. I had no idea what he was doing.
“Dance with me,” he said, putting his hand around my waist. Soft music was playing in the restaurant, but it wasn’t the kind for dancing, really. It didn’t matter.
“I would be honored, Mr. Blythe.” I put my other hand on his shoulder and rested my head against his chest and we started to sway. People around were probably talking, and we were definitely blocking the path to the bathroom, but we didn’t care.
Lucah hummed a tune in my ear that I didn’t know, but it was nice, so we danced to that instead of the crappy piano music being piped through the restaurant.
He spun me out like we had at the Ball, and even though I didn’t have a gown on, I twirled and imagined I did as he pulled me back in and dipped me, nearly hitting my head on the edge of the table.
“Sorry. I’m not used to dancing in a confined space,” Lucah said, pulling me up as I laughed.
“It’s okay. I don’t mind.” We swayed a little more and I could feel the eyes of the entire place on us. Not all of the looks were complimentary, and I wanted to shoot those people a chosen finger, but I didn’t.
The waitress came with our food and we had to sit down, but Lucah gave me a kiss on the side of my head before letting go of my hand and sitting across from me.
We ate and I slipped off my shoes and we played footsies under the table and before dessert he made me get up and dance again. I swore I heard someone gagging while they sat at the bar, but I definitely ignored it.
“Are you happier now?” Lucah said, as we held hands and walked back toward the office.
“Always when I’m with you. Even when we’re fighting. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” He hummed the song we’d danced to and I asked him what it was.
“Oh, nothing.” I asked him again, but he wouldn’t answer me. It seemed silly, but I let it go. I was feeling much better, and even though I had to go back to work, I was lighter and the pressure wasn’t suffocating me as much.
Maybe I should see a professional. It probably wasn’t normal or healthy to stress as much as I did. I’d always gotten away with it because I had a high stress job. And my parents had always let me get away with it, probably because I was an only child. They didn’t have another kid to compare me to, so whatever I did probably seemed normal, for the most part. And Sloane. She’d always let me get away with it as well, and for the most part she’d ignored me, or just waited until I was done with my freaking. Royce. He’d always told me that I was a drama queen. I’d hated him every time he’d told me that and it was shocking how many times he said it and how many times it made me want to punch him.