He finished the song and left the stage. It took him hours (or it felt that way) to get back to the table after people had finished applauding him and yelling for an encore. The announcer asked him to come back, but he waved him off.
He sat back down at the table and gave me a kiss.
“Did you like it?” For a moment, I couldn’t get my tongue to work. I was also still waiting. Waiting for what I thought was coming, based on the song and the things he was always saying and the way I felt about him.
My mouth gaped open but no words came out.
“I think she’s speechless,” Sloane said for me, pinching my knee, which made me yelp. “Fixed her.”
“I . . . I loved it,” I said as he put his arm around me. He smiled and then picked up his beer and sipped it. Sloane coughed and I could feel all eyes on Lucah and me.
“Anything else you might have felt about it? Anything?”
Oh there were a hell of a lot of things I was thinking, but I didn’t think I could say them in front of everyone. Lucah seemed to sense my inability to articulate.
“I think we’re going to head out,” he said, getting our coats and holding his arm out for me to take. “Ryder, you can get back all right, yes?”
Ryder nodded.
“I’ll keep my eye on him,” Sloane said, giving me a wink. I be she would. I still couldn’t really feel my hands as I stumbled getting out of my chair and Lucah led me out onto the street.
“Sunshine?” Of course, being the perceptive guy that he was, he didn’t believe me.
“I’m fine,” I said, giving him a smile that I hoped would reassure him that I was fine.
“Okay,” he said, but his tone made it clear that he wasn’t going to let it go. We were definitely going to have to talk about this, and I was either going to endure what could be a very uncomfortable conversation for me, or lie to him. Or I could lie to him, and then he’d call me out on it and then I’d have to have an uncomfortable conversation anyway. He let me keep my silence all the way home, but as soon as I unlocked the door, I knew I was going to have to talk.
“You ready to talk now?” Ready or not.
“So,” I said, leaning my back against the door. “I’m just going to have to say this all at once because if I think about it, I’m going to realize how stupid it is and then I’m going to ask you to fuck me and hope that you’ll forget in the heat of the moment.” I paused and took a deep breath and Lucah leaned against the counter, as if to say, proceed.
“It was the song. I heard it on the radio the other day and I heard the lyrics about . . . about taking vows and a bride and groom and I guess I just read into it and my friends read into it and I thought . . . I thought you were proposing.” It didn’t matter that I said it all in a rush. It sounded stupid anyway.
I’d ducked my head when I started talking and I hadn’t had the courage to look up yet. When Lucah didn’t say anything for more than a minute, I had to look up to see what his expression was.
I took one peek and found his face . . . I couldn’t read that expression.
“What are you thinking?”
He shrugged one shoulder, as if this was no big deal.
“I figured it was the easiest way to tell you how I feel about you. That someday I want to marry you.”
“You do.” It was a statement more than a question.
“Of course I want to marry you, Sunshine. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I want to take any measures I can to make sure that you’re stuck with me for life, and that includes getting married. I assumed from our earlier conversation that you weren’t ready, but I thought, maybe, if I declared my intentions, that might help clear things up for you.” Clear. I definitely wasn’t feeling clear at the moment.
“Clear things up?” I put my hands behind me to brace myself on the door.
“Yes. If you knew that my intentions were heading toward getting married, that you might decide that was what you wanted. Or maybe that was just my wishful thinking.” He looked down, and he seemed so crushed that I wanted to kick myself. This wasn’t going the way I thought it would.
“I don’t want to get married. I mean, I thought I didn’t. But then I imagined it. Imagined the wedding and walking down the aisle, and I realized that the reason I wasn’t crazy about marriage was that I’ve never wanted to marry anyone. Until you. If you told me that we should go to Vegas right now, I’d go. I would. As crazy as that is. And I know it’s crazy. We haven’t even known each other for six months. It’s crazy. Wanting to marry you is crazy. But I do. Want to marry you.”
He pushed himself off the counter and took a step forward.
“You want to marry me. Right now.”
“If you asked me, I would.” I moved away from the door and toward him.