“You’re staring at me again,” I said.
“I know. I can’t help it. You’re an interesting and extraordinary person.” Well, I wouldn’t go that far.
Our cupcakes arrived and distracted both of us.
“Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, this is so good,” I said as I took a bite of the Oreo cookie. All of the cupcakes here were filled with extra frosting, so it oozed out when you bit into it.
“Holy shit,” Ryder said, taking a bite of the Red Velvet. He got frosting on his nose, and I laughed.
“You’ve got a little something on your nose,” I said.
“Get it for me?” he asked. I thought about wiping it with a napkin, but used my finger instead.
“Thanks,” he said.
“No problem.” We went back to our cupcakes, and I considered ordering more because they were just so damn good.
“Life will never be the same,” I said. “This is all your fault. Now I’m going to be addicted to this place, and I will have no money because I spent it all on cupcakes. I’m going to get so fat. Are you happy now?” I asked, scraping the last of the bits of cupcake off my plate. I thought about licking the crumbs, but that seemed like a bad idea in public.
“You know, I think they deliver,” he said, wiping his face with a napkin.
“Shut the fuck up right now. You are kidding.”
He held up the menu and pointed to the part that said they delivered anywhere in the city.
“You bastard,” I said, grabbing the menu from him and typing the number into my phone so I could use it to call anytime I wanted cupcakes, which would be always.
“How about I buy you another round? Drinks and cupcakes.”
I shook my head. “No, you bought the tea and cronuts. It’s my turn to pay for something.”
He sighed heavily.
“If this was a date, which it isn’t, you could pay. But it’s not a date. So you lose, fire crotch,” I said.
He choked on his seltzer water and sprayed it over the bar. That earned him nasty looks from those around us, but the bartender just handed us a stack of napkins with a smile.
“You two are cute together,” she said.
“Who, us?” I asked.
“Yes, you. How long have you been together?”
I looked at Ryder, wondering how we should handle this. He just put his arm around me and turned toward the bartender.
“Three months,” he said. “It’s our anniversary.” The fuck? I gave him a stunned look and he just winked at me.
“Isn’t that right, baby?” Ugh. I hated it when guys called their girlfriends baby. It was so degrading. Or at least I’d thought it was degrading. But that was before Ryder called me baby and it made me feel all giggly.
He squeezed my shoulder, as if asking me to play along. Oh, what the hell.
“That’s right, sweetie. Three glorious months.” I smiled at the bartender, and she leaned in so she wouldn’t be overheard.
“How about I bring you something special? On the house.”
“Um, sure,” I said. “That’s so nice of you.”
“Really, thank you,” Ryder added.