“Did you stay the night here?” Inari asked, speaking in a low voice.
“Yeah. Didn’t feel like going home.”
“Are you absolutely, positively sure you don’t want to talk?” I thought about saying no again, but I had no one to talk to. Normally I would have gone to Rory, but I couldn’t right now. For reasons.
“That would be great,” I said with a sigh.
“Lovely. How about we go out and get some breakfast?” She’d already given my coffee, but I hadn’t eaten anything yet.
“That would be great.” I pulled Kelly aside and told her she was in charge, and that if everyone sat around gossiping and didn’t get anything done by the time I came back, I would be highly displeased.
“As long as we don’t go to that little coffee place up the street. Anywhere else.” I associated that place with Ryder.
“Sure thing. There’s this new place that just opened up. It’s a nice day, so why don’t we walk?” Her tone was soft but not patronizing. She was going to make a great mother someday. I knew she’d been trying with her husband, but they hadn’t had any luck yet.
“Sounds good.” We were both bundled up and the wind wasn’t too bad today, so the walk was pleasant.
I looked over at her. “You remember Ryder, right?”
“How could I forget?” she said with a laugh.
“You’re right. He’s pretty unforgettable.” Talking about him didn’t feel good. It felt awful, but I’d already started so I had to continue.
“Anyway, the other night he kissed me. It was totally unexpected and out of the blue. I got mad at him for kissing me because he couldn’t seem to decide how he felt about me, so I called him and gave him an ultimatum via voicemail. I know it sounds silly, but I just needed to be somewhere that wasn’t my apartment last night.” I had to take a breath before I continued the rest of the story. I glossed over a lot of the hospital stuff, but she got the gist of it.
“And now I can’t even think about him without wanting to cry and scream and throw a tantrum. He just makes me so crazy,” I said. There. I’d done it.
“That must be hard,” she said. “I’m sorry you’re going through that.”
“Yeah, me too. And I knew it wasn’t going to work out. I knew from the very start. But I was too attracted to him to ignore it. I thought that I could just sort of have a fling with him, but then I started having deeper feelings, and everything just got so fucked up.” I wished I could go back in time and warn myself about him. Not that I would have listened.
“I always seem to attract guys who are bad for me.” My last few relationships (if you could call them that) were all disasters.
Inari sighed. “I hear you. I was the same way my freshman year. I think I went through three or four guys, all complete fuck-ups. That was sort of my learning year as I call it. But when I dated those awful guys, it made me think about what I really wanted, and when I met my husband, he had all those qualities and then some.” She winked at me.
“Nice. I wish I could have learned, but I can’t seem to. Maybe there’s something wrong with me.”
Inari laughed. “No. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re human.”
“I don’t want to be human.” I hated making mistakes, but I just kept making them.
“Well, first things first,” I said, “I have to stay far away from Ryder. He’s like my . . . what is that stuff that Superman is allergic to?” Rory would know. She’s more of a sci-fi nerd than I was.
“Kryptonite. But actually, it’s only a certain kind of kryptonite that he’s allergic to,” she said. “Wow, is my nerd showing?”
“A little. But that’s cool. Anyway, Ryder is my kryptonite. I have to stay away from him.” This was my new mantra.
“You can do it,” Inari said with a little fist pump. “I believe in you.”
I shoved her a little.
“Shut up.”
~*~*~
Over eggs Benedict, Inari told me about her relationship disasters. It was nice to be talking about someone else’s past mistakes instead of my own for a change.
“And then he told me he was gay and was just using me so his parents wouldn’t find out. I don’t know why he kept suggesting that we have dinner with them. And he was only affectionate when they were around. God, I was young and stupid.”