Lucah laughed. “Yeah, that would be okay. I think he’d be pissed at me if I didn’t bring you. He might have threatened me during our last phone call.”
Oh, really? Ryder hadn’t told me about that.
“Huh,” I said, trying to fight a smile.
“His flight gets in at five, so if you want, I can come get you at the studio in my car and we can head to Logan,” he said.
“I want to come too,” Rory said with a little pout.
“Sure, you can come, sunshine. I wouldn’t leave you behind. Ever.”
She held his chin and looked into his eyes.
“You’d better not. Or I’ll come find you and it won’t be pretty,” she said with a sweet smile.
“I wouldn’t dream of ever leaving you, my darling,” he said, clutching his heart.
“That’s right,” she said.
Sometimes the two of them were too much.
I was going to get to see Ryder in two days. Two fucking days.
In the letters, Ryder was the same guy I’d always known. Maybe a little more introspective and open. But I did worry a tiny bit that he might have changed too much from the guy who had left me a month ago.
Every now and then I had these nightmares that he’d come back to me and be all into meditation and finding his inner peace, and he wouldn’t have time for me anymore. Probably not though, right? He couldn’t have changed that much in a month.
~*~*~
I couldn’t concentrate for the next two days. Inari just got used to repeating everything someone said to me at least twice. She also wrote me daily notes so I’d know what I was supposed to be doing. And she yelled at me for the first time ever when I apologized for being so out of it.
“Listen, it’s okay. I’m fine with being your eyes and ears for the next two days. That’s my job. I know your mind is somewhere else, and I’d be the same way. I’m actually surprised you haven’t been this way for the whole month,” she said.
My only response was to give her a massive hug that engulfed her.
“It’s okay,” she said, patting my back. “We’ve all been there.”
I thought about apologizing again, but then I didn’t.
“Lunch is on me,” I said.
“You’re the best boss.”
~*~*~
I wasn’t going to get some of Ryder’s letters until after he was back, so he made sure to send me a “final” letter. It wouldn’t be the last one, but since it took a few days for them to get to me, this would be the final letter I’d get while he was gone. I went home on my lunch break just to go get it.
I can’t believe by the time you’re reading this, I will be ready to come home. I feel like I’ve spent a lifetime here, but also that only a day has passed. Does that make any sense? It probably doesn’t. I think this high altitude is fucking with my head.
I won’t lie, I’m scared about coming back. I know I’m moving in the right direction now, but will I be able to keep that going on my own? I know I’ll have help, but it’s a lot easier to be good here where I’m surrounded by trees and deer and shit, and there is next to no temptation.
But I guess I shouldn’t think that way. That’s setting myself up for negativity. I have to think positive. Don’t worry, I won’t go all eat, pray, love on you. Or at least I’ll try not to.
I have no idea what it’s going to be like to see you again. I’ve pictured your face and your expressions and heard your voice in my head. I’m scared about that, too. That you will have moved on. That you’ve realized you don’t want me in your life anymore. But you know what? That’s okay. I think I’m strong enough.
Sloane, if you never want to see me again, I’ll understand. I really will. So it’s okay. I just wanted you to know that before we see each other again.
The letter went on to talk about other things, but I couldn’t get past that part where he said he’d understand if I didn’t want him in my life. It was crazy. Of course I wanted him. I wanted him more than ever.