“You don’t have to,” he said.
I smiled at him over my shoulder as I closed the door.
“It’s okay, take your time.”
I shut the door and turned some music on. I was probably overdoing it with the clothes, but whatever. I was having a good time.
~*~*~
About an hour later, there was a knock at the door. I opened it to find Ryder standing there, holding one of my letters.
“You said you love me,” he said, waving the letter in his hand. I didn’t get it.
“Yeah, I blurted it out at the airport, remember? And I definitely said it a million times last night.” I’d also said I loved certain attributes about him multiple times.
“But you wrote me. You signed the letters with ‘Love, Sloane.’”
I nodded, not getting it.
“Yes, and I also told you that night in the hospital.”
He shook his fist again, as if he was frustrated I couldn’t read his mind.
“But that night you said ‘loved.’ Past tense. This is present. And you said it when I was gone.”
“Yeah, well, so did you. You left me a fucking voicemail. What was I supposed to do with that?” I wasn’t mad, but I was getting a little frustrated.
“I know I said that I loved you but I wasn’t in love with you, but well, I am,” I said. “Both of those things. I’m not even sure what I feel for you now is even love anymore. It’s this all-consuming force that sometimes I’m afraid is going to destroy me.” Oops. I was getting worked up again, but he tended to do that to me.
“Yeah, well that’s how this feels! Like my whole fucking world is standing right in front of me and it’s you. You are everything, Sloane.”
I started to cry. I don’t know why, I’d just built up so many emotions and hadn’t let them out to him, and here they were, rushing forward.
“I’m still mad at you for what you did, but I’ve forgiven you, and we’re going to move on from it. The past is in the past and it’s time for our future. To forge a new path. Together. I’m all in, Ryder.”
He tossed the letter aside and lifted me off my feet.
“I’m going to fuck you again just for saying that.”
“Promise?” I said. I was sore and stiff as hell, but I’d get over it. We needed this.
~*~*~
I don’t know where the energy came from, but Ryder and I made love like we were mortal enemies, bent on destroying each other with passion. It was rough and raw, and by the time it was over I couldn’t even remember my own name. He made me fuck his face again, and I was more than happy to get on that ride.
“So I think,” Ryder said, still panting, “that we should date.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, using my hand to prop myself up so I could see his face.
“I was thinking that you should be my girlfriend and I can be your boyfriend, and we can do shit like go to the movies and make out in the back and hold hands and finish each other’s sentences.”
I snorted. “Is that what dating is for you?”
He shrugged. “I guess. But it would be different with you, obviously. Because everything is different with you.”
I kissed his chest.
“Then maybe we should call it something different. How about . . . togethering?”