“Hey, Dad,” I said, my voice breaking a little. It was the only bit of weakness I was going to show. I forced myself to walk toward the bed and take his hand with the one that wasn’t holding Lucah’s.
“I’m sorry I worried you.” I shook my head at him and tried to breathe normally.
“It’s okay. Just don’t do it again,” I said, as if I was admonishing him for having a heart attack. Like that would have stopped him from having one.
“I don’t plan on it,” he said, closing his eyes again.
“Do you need anything, Walter?” Mom said, coming over and uncharacteristically fluttering her hands.
“No, Eva, I’m fine. Now that both my girls are here.” My heart squeezed and I really wanted to run out to the hallway and collapse on the floor and let all the things that were swirling around inside me to come out.
“We’re here,” I said, as if I needed to remind everyone.
“Are you okay?” Lucah said in my ear. I’d almost forgotten that he was here. If it wasn’t for his hand, I might have really forgotten. I nodded jerkily and leaned back against him. He was solid. There. Stable.
I exhaled fully and felt like I could finally breathe again. Lucah just stood there behind me, lending me his strength through touch. He didn’t have to say anything. Just be there. That was all I needed.
The doctor came in and filled us in. Dad had had a mild heart attack. They were giving him medicine to dissolve the clot and they were going to watch him for a few days. From there, he was going to have to change his lifestyle. Eat differently, exercise, that sort of thing. Dad grumbled when the doctor told him that he was going to have to slow down, but Mom put her hand on his shoulder and told him to hush.
It wasn’t as bad as it could have been. That was what I kept telling myself. It could have been worse. Still, your father having a heart attack wasn’t the most fun time in the world.
“I’m, um, going to get some coffee?” I said, as if I wasn’t sure what I was going to be doing.
“Want me to come with?” Lucah asked and I agreed. I needed him with me. Without him, I was going to fall apart and I didn’t know if I could put myself back together again. I was Humpty Dumpty, but with fabulous shoes.
“Let’s go find the nurses’ station,” he said. Even though Ryder had been on a different floor, both of us still remembered where to find the good coffee. And I didn’t mean blowjobs. Sex was pretty much the furthest thing from my mind at the moment.
Lucah sweet-talked the nurses and found us some coffee and even some granola bars. I hovered in the doorway of the nurses’ kitchen, watching him pouring the coffee and getting napkins and so forth.
“He’s going to be okay, you know,” he said, handing me a steaming cup.
“I know,” I said, taking it and holding on for dear life. “I know.” I was staring at my coffee and then I felt a hand under my chin. Lucah carefully lifted my face to meet his eyes.
“He’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay,” he said, slowly, but firmly.
“I know,” I said. His soft lips descended on my forehead and then on my cheeks and then to my lips. The contact was… comforting. Just like when he’d stood behind me.
“He’s going to be okay,” he said, taking the coffee from me and pulling me into a hug. I put my hands on his chest and held onto him. I held on, because I didn’t know what else to do.
“He’s going to be okay,” he said again. I nodded into his chest and finally the tears seized their moment to flee from my eyes. They soaked into his shirt, but I knew he wouldn’t care. Nothing mattered but that he was holding me and he was keeping me together. It was strange, being on this side of the hug.
My dad was going to be okay.
~*~*~
When Lucah and I got back to the room, Dad was sitting up and Mom was laughing. Like nothing had happened. If he hadn’t been in a hospital bed, I would have thought they were at home and it was a regular Sunday night and we were getting ready for dinner.
Shit. Tomorrow was Sunday and the next day was Monday and it was a work day. Dad wasn’t going to work on Monday. Sure, he took a day off every now and then, or he had the flu, or went on vacation, but for the most part, he didn’t take more than a few days. Mom definitely wasn’t going to let him go back to work full time soon. Maybe… maybe not at all.
Oh, God. Questions started exploding in my head. I said I needed to go to the bathroom and rushed from the room, Lucah hot on my heels. I found an empty lounge and… started pacing.
“He’s not going into work on Monday,” I said as Lucah paced behind me. I shot him a look and then he sat down. I could do this. We’d done this before. I would pace and talk and he’d listen and calm me down and help me see that I had the answer all along, or that I was freaking out about nothing. We could do this together.
“He’s not going to work on Monday, and not the next day. He’s going to be out for a while, if Mom has any say. I don’t want him going back and putting his health at risk either. So. That means we need to figure out what to do next. I mean, we have a contingency plan, but we’ll have to call an emergency meeting of the Board…” I trailed off. “I need a pen. I need to write this down.” I pivoted and saw Lucah holding a pad of paper and what looked like a crayon.
“Where did you get that?” I asked. He motioned to a table with pads of paper, coloring books and a cup with crayons in it.
“Keep going,” he said, his hand poised to take more of my dictation.