Then I’d moved into an apartment that didn’t allow dogs and I wasn’t ever home anyway.
“And we’ll never be home. Who’s going to take care of it?” I said. Lucah groaned in frustration.
“I come up with an idea and you always find every reason you can to not do it.” I scoffed and turned on my side to glare at him.
“When have I done that?” As soon as the words were out, I could think of at least five instances, right off the top of my head.
Lucah held up one finger.
“Getting engaged. Getting married. Having a relationship that isn’t just sex. Working together. Having sex at your parents’ house.” He wiggled those five fingers in front of my face and smirked.
“Whatever,” I said. Je-sus Christ. He was really trying to push all my buttons lately. “Look, I’m not like you. I think about things before I do them. I think about the consequences. I think about the potential pitfalls. One of us has to. You’re not going to do it.” If he had his way, we might have been married after that first night when we’d had sex and I’d still be in the dark about what he did for a living.
“What do I have to do to convince you that we should have two dogs?” I didn’t see the need to discuss this now. Why were we talking about something that was going to be about ten years in the future? Sharing our visions was one thing, but arguing about the details was something else entirely.
“Lucah. Please. I’m tired. We just had sex, I had four orgasms and my dad is recovering from a heart attack. We can talk about the future in the future.” I was turning back into bitch mode, but I couldn’t help it.
“Sure, Sunshine. We’ll talk about it later.” He sounded disappointed, so I leaned over and gave him a kiss.
“Later.”
~*~*~
Sunday was spent watching my parents argue about what food Dad was and wasn’t allowed to eat, helping clean the house and hoping that neither of them would bring up having heard Lucah and me last night.
Dad got so grumpy that Mom banished him to his study in the afternoon so she could make a late lunch without his input. Lucah went with Dad and I stayed with Mom. Girl time and boy time. For a moment, I pictured Lucah and Dad sitting in the study smoking cigars, drinking Scotch and discussing Tolstoy. I knew that wasn’t what they would be doing, but it was a little amusing to imagine.
“How are you doing?” I asked Mom as she got out a box of whole wheat pasta and I chopped fresh tomatoes and basil.
“Fine, Rory. Just fine.” To the outside observer, she seemed fine. Looked finer than fine. But I knew better.
“You can talk to me, you know. I’m your daughter, but I’m here if you need me.” She had plenty of friends, but I wanted her to know that she could tell me things she might be reluctant to tell someone outside of the family.
She pursed her lips and inhaled sharply through her nose before turning around to face me.
“He’s being difficult.” I raised my eyebrows and waited for her to continue. “He’s being difficult about the diet, about the exercise, about everything. I’m trying to keep him alive and he’s being difficult!” She threw her hands in the air, including the one holding the spoon, which went flying. We both watched it hit the floor and then she started laughing. I put down my knife and walked over to her. She had her hand over her mouth to muffle the sound, but it was loud in the quiet kitchen.
“I’m sorry,” she said through her fingers. I put my hand on her shoulder and she shook her head, still laughing. After a few gasps, she finally stifled the laughs and wiped her eyes.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. It started and I couldn’t stop. Don’t tell him, please.” Even though it was just the two of us, she didn’t want to seem out of control. I just remembered my own reaction when I’d found out about Dad.
I rubbed her shoulder.
“It’s okay, Mom. You can be yourself with me. Let go. I’m not going to judge you.” I had no right to judge her. I didn’t know what I’d be doing in her situation.
“He’s just being so stubborn, the bastard.” Now that made me laugh. She clapped her hands over her mouth again.
“I shouldn’t have said that. I should be counting my lucky stars that he’s still here with me. I should be on my knees thanking God. I should be…” She trailed off and threw up her hands.
“You do whatever you need to do to get by. There’s no ‘right’ way to deal with something like this. No manual. No list of steps. You do what you need to do.” It was strange, being the one to give advice to her. It had always been the other way around. I was also pretty sure my mother had never needed advice from me before this moment. The world was turning upside down and sideways.
I got up and pulled her into a tight hug and she held me tight for a while.
“You’re a wonderful daughter, Rory. I’m so lucky I had you.” I didn’t really have a choice but to be a good daughter. I was their only child. No freedom for me to be the family fuck-up. Lately I’d been realizing just how much of a burden it was to be an only child. Not only did I have to hold up my parents’ hopes and dreams, but they were getting older and the responsibility for their care fell on me. That was a lot of pressure and I didn’t think I was ready for it yet. With any luck, they’d turn into those spry octogenarians who play tennis and do yoga and still have all their marbles. That would be nice. I’d cross my fingers and wish for that on my next birthday.
“I love you. And Dad. I don’t want you to be scared to ask for help. Lucah and I are here and there’s Sloane and Ryder and all of my other friends. They all adore you and Dad.” They really did. Everyone loved my parents. They were impossible not to love.
“We love you too. I’ve got this in hand, I think, but if I’m ever feeling like I don’t, I’ll be sure to call you.” She brushed her fingers under her eyes again and then asked me if her eyes were red.