“Lucah?”
“Yes, Rory?”
“How do you feel?” I risked a look at him, but he was busy staring at my belly. I put my hand on top of his, which made him glance back at me.
“Are you sure you want to know?” I nodded.
“Yeah, I do.” My initial reaction was that this was just happening to ME, but now I really wanted to know what was going on in his head. It might help get me out of my own.
“It’s a struggle not to get up and run around the apartment in excitement. I want to cry and laugh and hug you, but I’m keeping it all in for you. I never thought the depth of my love for you could deepen, but when I looked at that test? I… I love you and I love this.” His hand rubbed my belly.
“We made something together. Something that’s a physical manifestation of our love. We made a baby, Rory.” I almost flinched when he said the B word. I hadn’t been able to think of it in those terms yet.
A baby. With arms and legs and a face and a personality that would grow into a complete human.
“I know this is a lot for you to take. I know that. But I can’t help myself. I’m over the moon and floating among the stars.” His eyes left mine and went back to my stomach. He moved his hand out from under mine and leaned forward, placing one light kiss where it had been.
I lost it again.
~*~*~
“I’m blaming this on the hormones,” I said as I came down from my second crying jag of the day.
“You can blame it on whatever you want,” Lucah said, taking the tissues from me again.
“Good. Because I’m blaming it on hormones.” My head was still screaming with too many thoughts. I almost wished I could somehow drain them out, like pouring water from one glass into another. That would be so handy.
“So you’re happy?” I asked and he just started laughing.
“I didn’t know it was possible to actually be this happy. I’m afraid it’s going to kill me.” His smile was so wide I was sure it would break his face wide open.
“You’re happy that I’m pregnant.” Ugh, there was the P word. Guess the first step in dealing with this was admitting that I was. Pregnant. With child. Knocked up. Bun in the oven.
“I’m so fucking happy, Sunshine. So. Fucking. Happy.” Maybe his happiness was screwing with my emotions. Or maybe…
“Okay,” I finally said. His smile dropped for a second and his eyebrows drew together.
“Okay, what? I’m going to need some clarification here.” He lay on the bed next to me again and the look he gave me was so intense, I almost wanted to shrink away from it.
“Okay. Let’s have a baby.” The minute I said it, I felt like I could breathe. We could do this. People did this every day. Billions of couples had done this. I could do this. We could do this. Somehow.
In the next moment, I was seized, then hauled out of bed and carried as Lucah ran what seemed to me some sort of victory lap around our apartment. His euphoria was contagious and I found myself laughing and cheering with him.
“Oh, Rory,” he just kept saying over and over again. He finally set me down, but only so he could press his forehead against mine and hold both my hands.
“Are you happy?” he asked.
“Well, it’s not ideal. And we still have a lot of shit to figure out. But… I think I am.” He lifted his hands to my face and held it.
“We’ll figure it out. Both of us. Together.” I nodded and he kissed me. Kissed me like this was the only kiss we would ever be allowed to have, so he was going to make it count. I sank into him and our mouths mingled and danced together. Perfection. We were perfect together.
Lucah broke the kiss.
“Mine. You’re all mine.” I loved it when he said that.
“Guess we’re stuck with each other now,” I said, trying to make light of the intense situation.
“You’re stuck. With both of us.” He got on his knees, pulled up my shirt and kissed my stomach. His lips were warm and sweet.