He worked his way back to my mouth, his kiss no longer gentle as he ground his hips into me. My skin crackled like the heat from the fire, and I gave in, letting his hands rove me as his mouth slanted over mine.
As if he sensed my defeat, he gripped my wrists and pinned them over my head. His kiss intoxicated me more than the mint juleps, and I craved the contact, the closeness, the heat he offered. But I didn’t crave it from him. Could I take it anyway? The same way Sin was taking it from Sophia?
His tongue swirled in my mouth as he kissed me with more passion than I’d ever seen from him. His movements became rougher, rawer. I knew he could give me pleasure, make me forget, if only for a few fleeting moments. It was right in front of me, mine if I would have it. But even as he set me alight, my mind whispered another name and my heart spoke of someone else.
“I don’t love you.” The words flew out as he kissed to my ear.
“You don’t have to.” He nipped at my earlobe and palmed my breast. I made an mmm sound as he ghosted over the healed bite on my neck. Reaching between me and the couch, he crushed me to him, as if he wanted every bit of closeness he could get. Even as Lucius promised me a respite from reality, Sin was there in my memory, his eyes open, and his soul bare. I had to stop.
I embraced Lucius and buried my face in the crook of his neck. “Please don’t. I can’t say no. I need you, but please don’t make me do this.”
He stilled and nuzzled into my hair. My chest constricted, because I needed him more than I desired him. More than that, I was asking for something he’d never offered. Comfort.
He thrust his hips against me, and I bit my lip to stifle my moan at the naked want the friction created.
“You don’t want this?” He nipped at my throat. “You sure? I can feel how hot you are.”
“I want…” I swallowed hard. “I want you, but not like this.”
He stilled. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Again, Stella?” He groaned. “You’re going to cock block me again?”
I nodded and clung to him even harder. “I’m sorry. I just can’t.”
“Fucking hell.” He pried my arms off him and sat back, eyeing me with open irritation.
I yanked my shirt down as he let out a large exhale. I expected him to storm out or start destroying things. Instead, he stared, his face unreadable in the flickering firelight.
After several uncomfortable seconds, he shook his head. “Goddammit.” He pressed the heels of his palms to his temples. “I can’t believe I’m doing this. Go upstairs. Get in bed. I’ll be there in a little while. I have some fucking blue ball business to take care of first. I’ll be there when I’m done.”
He stood, his erection noticeable in his pants, before helping me to my feet. I walked past, relieved that my freedom was so easily won.
“Wait.” His strained voice stopped me. “One more kiss. That’s the price.”
I could say no and sleep alone like I’d done so many times already. The nightmares were always there, as if they fed on my loneliness. Paying for a night of solace with a single kiss wasn’t too much to ask, especially not after what almost happened on the sofa. Mind made up, I turned and walked back to him.
He put his palms on my cheeks and stroked my hair behind my ears. “Why do I feel like this is the last time? The last chance I’ll get to keep you for myself?”
I gazed up at his thoughtful expression, but I had no answer. He brought his lips to mine and kissed me with a surprising reverence. His touch stayed gentle, and his eyes remained closed. It lasted only a moment. When he pulled away, I could sense he wanted so much more. I couldn’t give it to him. My heart was long since gone, grudgingly given to another. I wanted to take it back. Especially when the thought of him with Sophia hurt like someone was searing my insides over a spit. Still, it was too late.
“Go.” He dropped his hands and kicked his chin up.
I turned, and he smacked my ass. I yelped at the sting.
He held his hands up, his signature smirk back in place. “Sorry. I deserved at least a little something for my troubles.”
I made my way up the stairs, though they seemed far more uneven than usual. Once in my room, I stripped off everything but my panties and donned a tank top and shorts. I crawled into bed and waited.
Then I realized I’d invited a viper into my bed during a haze of drunken lust and sorrow. I rolled over and sank to the floor. Pulling out the bottom drawer, I felt around for my knife, wanting the cold comfort it provided by just being there. Sin had returned it to me after the Christmas trial, his blood dried on the blade.