“I don’t know what to tell you,” Tully says. “No matter what you did, Kelly was going to keep coming back until she had Ari and you know that just as well as I do. What’s done is done and there’s no use dwelling on it when we should be focusing on getting her back.”
“I am focusing on getting her back.”
“I know, you went to Anton Fucking Mathers.”
“Don’t you start on me too. You know just as well as I do that Anton has the connections to find her.”
“I don’t know,” she says shrugging her shoulders. “It’s been four days already and he hasn’t got her back.”
“I know,” I sigh. “I guess how hard he looks comes down to how badly he wants me in his ranks.”
“He’d be a fool not to want you. You’re badass, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re an absolute fool for going to him, especially alone.”
“What’s this about?” I question. “Are you angry that I went to him in the first place or that I gave you the slip and didn’t take you with me? Because you should know me well enough by now to know that I would never intentionally put you in any unnecessary danger.”
Tully groans and pulls a little tighter on my arm. “I don’t know,” she tells me. “I really want to be mad at you but when it comes down to it, I know you did the right thing despite the outcome. I just hope there’s something we can do about it.”
I look up from the pavement and narrow my eyes on my best friend. “How do you mean?”
“Well, up until all this happened, Noah was talking about sending his ass to jail. What if that’s still in the cards? You know, after he finds Ari of course. But if he got taken down, you won’t be reeled into his world and you won’t have to stand by his side day in and day out. Don’t get me wrong, you’re a complete psycho and I don’t doubt that after a little training you’d be lethal and would look hot doing it, but it would destroy your soul and I don’t want that for you. The things you would see working for him…I don’t know. You saw how it affected the boys and that was just being errand boys. I can’t imagine what it would be like being on the inside of all that.”
“That’s all I’ve been able to think about,” I admit. “I’ve heard all the stories. He’s the bogeyman of Haven Falls and I’m kind of terrified, but I’d do it all a million times over to save my sister and bring her home.”
“I know you would. I guess all we can hope for is that Anton starts you off slow. Maybe you’ll just cut off a finger and work your way up to the whole hand. Oh, maybe you’ll have a reward system- a brand new, shiny weapon for each drug deal that goes down smoothly.”
I stop and stare at her blankly. “Seriously? You’re making jokes?”
“Yep,” she says, tugging on my arm to force my legs to keep moving, “because if I don’t, I’ll probably start crying and once I start, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop. I guess it’s just another one of those moments where Rivers leaving shoots us in the foot.”
“Come on,” I say, needing to defend my brother. “Give him a little credit. It’s not like he could have known Anton was going to pull this shit. He never could have known that Kelly was going to take Ari and he never could have imagined that I’d go seeking out Anton, especially after everything we’ve already gone through with him.”
“Yeah, I guess. I just…”
“You just really like being mad at him.”
“Yep.”
“You’re an idiot, you know that, right?”
She looks at me as though I’ve lost my mind. “I’m the idiot? You’ve got to be kidding.”
A smile spreads across my face and before I know it, just a bit of the load that’s been weighing down on me, lifts off my shoulders, leaving me feeling lighter than I have in days.
We continue walking and I can’t help but realize that Tully was right. This fresh air is doing wonders for my soul. I still feel like absolute shit with the weight of the world bringing me down, but having just these few moments to reflect and put things into focus is helping me to see clearer.
I’ve done nothing but stress over the past four days and it’s not been good for anyone. I’ve been a snappy bitch and to be honest, I’m sure my attitude is making this harder for everyone else.
“Thanks,” I murmur to Tully a few moments later. “I think I really needed this.”
“Why do you think I forced your stubborn ass out of the house?”