‘You haven't seen anything of the island yet.' he told her abruptly. We’II remedy that tomorrow.' For Emily's benefit, or for his own because he needed to put some distance between himself and his grandfather?
CHAPTER TWELVE
ARE you sure you've got time to do this? Emily queried as Marco held open the door of the car for her before they set off to see something of the island. The morning sunshine cast sharp patterns on the worn flagstones of the courtyard and Emily was glad of the welcome coolness of the air-conditioned car. Hadn't she read somewhere that pregnancy increased the blood flow and made one feel warmer?
Pregnancy. She ached to be able to share her joy with Marco and yet at the same time, she was also afraid of his reaction. If he should try to pressure her into having a termination it would break her heart, but logically, what else could he do? Even if he was prepared to understand and accept that she wanted to have this baby and bring it up alone, she suspected that his grandfather would be totally opposed to the idea. The old king would surely put pressure on Marco to deal with her. She didn't want to put Marco in that position and she wanted to keep her child as far away as possible from what increasingly she felt was a very negative kind of environment. The Nirolian royal family might be the richest in the world, but so far as Emily was concerned they seemed to be as dysfunctional as they were wealthy.
Money wasn't important to her so long as she had enough for her needs. She wanted her child to grow up confident that he or she was rich in love rather than money. What she wanted, she admitted, was for her child to be raised somewhere very far away from Niroli and without the burden of being a royal bastard. So what was she going to do? Return to London without telling Marco she was having his child?
That was certainly her easiest option. Emily felt. But did she have the strength to do it? Could she walk away from Marco without telling him? She loved her child enough already to do whatever she had to do to protect him or her. including leaving the man she adored; she knew that, almost without having to think about it. However, did she also love Marco enough to spare him the necessity of having to take on board prospective fatherhood and the problems that would cause for him? Was she strong enough to deny her instinctive longing to share her news with him even though she knew he couldn't, and wouldn't, share her growing joy at the prospect of having his baby?
It was an extraordinarily wonderful gift that fate was giving her: a child, and not just any child, but the seed of the man she loved. She could picture him now; somehow Emily already knew that her baby would be a boy. He would have Marcos features and perhaps a little of his arrogance. He would look at her with Marcos eyes and she would melt with love for him and the man who had fathered him. And. later, when he was old enough to demand his fathers name? She would deal with that when it happened. For now what concerned her most was her baby's health and whether she could leave Niroli without Marco suspecting anything. So how was she going to do that? She couldn't just tell him she didn't want him any more. He would never believe her.
Perhaps he would believe her if she told him she wasn't comfortable with her role in his life. She wasn't even his formally recognised mistress, and she felt it could reflect on her business reputation. Marco's own pride meant that he would be able to identify with that. Last night, when they had made love, he hadn't questioned the way she had encouraged him to gentle his possession of her holding her breath a little, caught as she was between her maternal anxiety for her baby and the intense physical desire he always aroused in her. But Marco was a skilled and a sensual lover, who knew every single one of her body's responses and how to invoke them. There was no way he wouldn't soon notice a new desire on her part to make his penetration of her less intense.
A small, sad semi-smile touched her lips. Marco didn't know it yet but the sightseeing journey they were taking together today could well be the last they would make together. Now she was destined to set out on a new path, which she would share with this gift he had given her.
‘Seat belt.’ Marco reminded her. He reached across to secure the belt for her before she could stop him. Immediately Emily breathed in protectively. There was no bump of any kind to betray her but still she felt a sharp clutch of anxiety for the vulnerability of her child. It would be like this for the rest of her life, she recognised. No matter that one day this baby she had conceived so unintentionally would be an adult; as a mother she would always be fiercely protective. Though, of course, there would be many things she could not protect her child from, foremost amongst which would be the pain of knowing his father hadn't wanted him.