Callie’s features tightened. Her lips thinned into a hard line and her eyes darted away, but not before he saw the guilt there. He didn’t like it. He didn’t want to hurt her. He just wanted to try and make her understand.
“Matt…” she lifted her head and took a step forward. “I- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean- I- the whole thing shouldn’t have happened. I- it took me by surprise as much as it probably did for you and I agreed to your request thinking that I could just give you one date to stop you from asking and then that changed into something else. I wanted- I wanted to just live. For one night. I wanted to just let go of everything and just be alive. I wanted to let myself feel something for the first time in a long time. It wasn’t supposed to happen. I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. It just kept changing for me, and I kept trying to justify it to myself. And you’re right. I did use you. I wanted to feel better. I’ve realized that I’m really good at self-sabotage. A lot of people have told me that I have no right to be happy in my life and I believed them for a long time. People hurt me and I walled myself up so it wouldn’t happen again. I never saw you coming. But you were right. About everything you’ve said.”
He blinked. He hadn’t expected that. He hadn’t expected any kind of confession or apology. He wasn’t even sure why he’d come. He just knew that neither of them had what they needed. Not yet. Chantara knew it too. She knew her best friend better than anyone in the entire world. She’d told him to try one more time and he had.
He wasn’t sure what had changed, but something had. He could see it in Callie’s eyes when they swept back to his face. He heard it in her voice and read it in the way her shoulders drooped.
“I’m sorry, Matt. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that I’m screwed up. I’m sorry that I’m scared and that I- that I’ve been walking through life like a zombie for a long time. I’m sorry that I ran. I never meant to use you. I never meant for any of this to happen. I don’t even know, right now, how to admit to myself that I do feel something for you-”
He didn’t let her finish. He marched across the store, closing the distance between them. He swept her up in his arms and as she gasped, he brought his face to hers. She was breathing rapidly, so rapidly that he could feel the rise and fall of her shoulders, the rapid thump of her heartbeat against his arm where he held her.
“Do you, Callie? Do you feel something? Do you want this, even if you have no idea how to get it? Even if you’re scared? That’s all I want to know.”
She blinked up at him. She knew she had the power, with a single word, to send him away for good. Yes or no. That’s all it was going to take. That’s all it had come down to. One single word.
The shop was silent for what felt like an eternity. He watched an array of emotions flicker across Callie’s face. Fear, sorrow, shame, maybe even anger. But then she smiled and something else passed across her face that chased all the shadows of darker emotion away.
“Yes,” she whispered. “I’m a mess, Matt. I have no idea how to trust again or let someone in again or- or love again.” She swallowed hard.
“It’s okay.” He brushed a finger over her trembling bottom lip. “It’s all going to be okay. We’ll figure it out. Just- just stop running from me. I’m not good at this either. Honestly, when I met you, I said that I was done with it. All of it. And then that kiss happened. Maybe it shouldn’t have, or maybe it was meant to happen all along. I’m glad it did. I’m glad it started all of this.”
“I- Matt- I don’t even know what any of this is. It’s all so-”
“I know. You don’t have to stop feeling what you’re feeling. I get that you’re scared and hesitant, but work with me, Callie, not against me. I do care about you. I want that to grow. I want to- to get to know you. All of you. Whatever you want to share with me, the good, the bad…”
“I’m going to go talk to someone.” She shocked him. “I’m going to go to therapy. I need someone to help me. I’m tired of doing this alone. All of this.” She looked up at him, her eyes huge and tear-filled. “I’m tired of doing all of it alone. I do want you, Matt. I’ve tried hard to tell myself that I don’t, but I do. I’m- I’ve lost. You wore me down. You wouldn’t just go away and stay away.” She laughed and it was a musical sound that he wanted to hear over and over and over.