I liked him so much that I’d even given some serious thought to trying to be that kind of person. Tanner and I had heaps of fun together. We laughed a lot, we talked easily, and we could’ve made great friends who ended up in bed together every once in a while.
Every time I thought back to how hurt and upset I’d been to overhear him flirting with someone else so soon after sleeping with me, though, I realized that I’d just never be able to be happy with what he offered at this point.
Friendship and great sex, as fantastic as both those things were, especially with the same person, just wasn’t enough for me. I wanted more, and Tanner clearly wasn’t in a place where he wanted to offer it.
He seemed perfectly content with his bachelor lifestyle, and it was unlikely that he’d be changing it anytime soon. Which meant I had to move on. As much as I liked him, I had to try to put him behind me.
I’d thought it would start feeling like a less daunting task once I was done with the house, but as I finished my final walkthrough and mentally placed a tick next to the project as being complete, I already knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. It still felt like it was going to be impossible to just forget about him—even if I wouldn’t be obligated by my job to think about him literally all day, every day anymore.
I was probably still going to think about him a lot. Despite the fact that he’d hurt me, I knew enough about him now to know that he was really a nice guy. He just wasn’t a nice guy who wanted to be in a relationship. And that’s the hard part.
Ever since our date, I’d successfully managed to avoid him, but now I was going to have to see him again. After briefly considering hiring an assistant for the sole purpose of having someone else in the company who could show him the house and collect our final payment, I manned up and pulled out my phone.
I wasn’t a wimp. As much as I’d have loved to hire someone to do this for me, I couldn’t. Financially, it didn’t make any sense, and besides, emotionally, I needed to see him again to hopefully get closure on this chapter of my life.
Even so, I put off the call for as long as I could, opting instead to phone him once I’d locked up and was in my car. The time came much too soon, but I couldn’t stall any longer. Plus, the designer in me was super eager to see his reaction when I showed him what I’d done with the place.
“Hey, you,” he said warmly when he answered my call. “I was starting to wonder if you’d fallen off the face of the earth or something. There’s been nothing but radio silence from you for days.”
“I was wrapping up at the house,” I replied. “The good news is that it’s done. It’s ready for you to come see it whenever you’re available. I’m still here, though, so if you want to come out today, I can wait for you.”
“It’s done? Fuck, that’s awesome. I can’t wait to see it, but can I take you to lunch first? There’s something I want to talk to you about before you’re officially done with me.”
Laughter came out of me before I could stop it. “Officially done with you? You make it sound like we’re breaking up. We met before I was working for you. If you want, we could keep hanging out every now and then even now that the project is done.”
It wouldn’t be good for my resolve to get over him, but I wasn’t sure quitting him totally cold turkey would work either.
“We could keep hanging out, and I want to, but there’s something else I need to discuss with you. I’m actually in town today. I came out to explore a little since you said we were close to the point where I could start spending weekends here soon.”
“Do you want to meet at the burger place then?” I asked. “We could have lunch, you can talk to me about this other thing, and then we could come back, and I can walk you through the house?”
“Sounds great,” he said. “I’m heading over there right now. See you soon, Larisa.”
“See you soon.” I sighed after ending the call. Reluctantly, I started my car and made the short drive to town.
Deep down inside, I’d been hoping he’d be able to come out to see the house today, but I also knew it would’ve been better for me if I’d had more time to prepare myself for seeing him again. When he wasn’t right in front of me, I could at least try to pretend that I didn’t feel such an intense connection to him.
As soon as I saw him, though, I would once again feel it there, like a physical but invisible band drawing me to him. And whenever that happens, it just makes it so much harder to imagine feeling the same thing with somebody else.
I’d never felt anything like it before him, and I was seriously starting to wonder if I was ever going to feel it again after.