CHAPTER47
TANNER
Istared at the neatly packaged box sitting in my hall. It felt like I could see it no matter where I sat in my living room.
Exactly one day less than a week ago, it had arrived, along with a note from Larisa saying that she didn’t feel right keeping it. I hadn’t even opened the wrapping plastic the courier company had put on the laptop yet. I wasn’t sure if I ever would because I honestly didn’t know what to do.
Should I give her space or chase her down? Send the laptop back or keep it in case we ever made up? So many questions. So few answers.
I hadn’t seen her since last weekend, and even though I’d brought the laptop with me to the new house when I’d come out earlier in the week, I didn’t know if she’d show up at the housewarming party. I’d sent her an invitation, but I’d never heard back from her, and I was pretty sure she thought it had been a bulk email.
I’d brought the laptop with me in case, but so far, she was a no-show. My mom and a few family friends had already come and gone, and after seeing some of them out, the package had caught my eye again. It was like a haunting, physical reminder that she existed. That she’d been in my life and had left it without warning.
Every damn day, I went back and forth on whether I should call her. The “give her space” or “chase her down” options were equally strong or weak, depending on my mood. What it all came down to was that if she didn’t share my feelings, should I even try?
I’d thought there was a connection there. Something deeper than I’d ever felt before, but if it had all been in my head, then maybe it was best if I just tried to move on. Since I had no way of knowing for sure if it had all been in my head and with no real closure to go on, I was driving myself certifiably insane trying to figure it out.
Moving on, however, wasn’t an appealing thought at all. I’d considered inviting some girls who were casual acquaintances to the housewarming, but in the end, I hadn’t been able to do it. Shawn had also offered to bring some of the models he worked with, but I’d said no.
At this point, I couldn’t even think about talking to other women. Doing anything more with them was strangely unfathomable to me. Like I’d forgotten how sex even worked if she wasn’t involved. I couldn’t even fucking picture it, and that was a definite first for me.
I wonder if this is what heartbreak feels like.
All signs pointed to yes, and that was just depressing. I’m heartbroken by a girl I never even really got to be in a relationship with. It’s pathetic.
In an attempt to focus on other stuff, I’d decided to become an investor in an up-and-coming e-sports tournament Bart was entering. If I couldn’t work with Larisa, I didn’t know how to move forward with the housing plan, so in the interim, I was looking at other options.
E-sports had seemed promising. It helped that Bart was so into it. He made the industry sound like the holy fucking grail, and when he’d told me that the organizers of this new tournament were looking for people to invest, it had seemed like a no-brainer.
I’d called them up, filled out the paperwork, and was happy to be getting involved in something else. But then the news had somehow made it to the tabloids, and for some reason, they’d deemed it an investment worthy of reporting on.
It was a total shit-show now. Why people thought it was so interesting that I’d made my money off crypto and was investing in an e-sports tournament, I didn’t know. All I knew was that my phone had been ringing off the hook about it for days, and every time it did, I hoped it was Larisa calling instead of whoever else wanted to pick my brain or hit me up for sponsoring a team—which I wasn’t even allowed to do according to the tournament rules.
“Tanner?” Jeremiah said. “That’s everyone, right? Can we get the real party going now?”
I wrenched my gaze away from the laptop, blinking myself out of my thoughts as I tried to remember who else had been around when I’d walked those last guests out. “I’m not sure. Steph’s also gone now, right?”
“Yep. It’s just me, you, Shawn, and Bart left. Just the guys. Like the old days.” He grinned and motioned to the bar. “Can I get you another drink? I’m empty.”
“Sure, thanks,” I said, feeling like I was coming out of a trance. I looked around, realizing he was right. The last of the other guests were gone and it really was just us left. “You’re sure we’re not going to get in trouble with Steph about you staying when she had to leave?”
He laughed, picking up his glass and mine from the coffee table. “It was her idea that I stay, but I didn’t argue about it. Besides, she’s got an early morning tomorrow but I don’t. We don’t do everything together.”
“Well, maybe not everything but practically everything,” Shawn joked as he walked in from the kitchen. “I’ve put another load in the dishwasher. Bart’s scouting for any straggling cutlery or crockery, but we’re pretty sure we’ve got it all.”
“You guys cleaned up?” I asked incredulously. “Are you serious?”
He shrugged. “We figured it was better to do it now before the after-party starts. Definitely better to do it now than to have to do it tomorrow morning. I’m planning on having an epic hangover, and you’re all invited to join me.”
Bart groaned. “My liver is going to hate me for this tomorrow, but sure. I’m in.”
He glanced at me. “Welcome back. Saying goodbye to all those people took you long enough. I’ve checked the rest of the house and it seems your guests were pretty civilized. Most of the stuff was in the kitchen already. We’re going to have to do another load or two in the dishwasher once this one is done, but other than that, we’re good to go. The leftovers are in the fridge. The containers left behind by the caterers are recyclable, so that’s in the right trash, and there aren’t any glasses and shit standing around.”
“Remind me to invite you guys over more often,” I said, honestly impressed. “When did you get so domesticated?”
Bart winked at me. “We just want to get to the drinking, man. Don’t mistake it for domestication. That’s not what it is.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” I said, but then Jeremiah clinked two glasses together at the bar to get our attention.