He tore open the condom and sheathed himself, and he rolled back on the bed, pulling me on top of him. Cock in his hand, he let the other hand come to rest on my hip as he guided me over him.
“I want to watch you,” he murmured, his eyes dark, and my lips parted as I tried to find the words to reply, to tell him how badly I wanted to please him, that I would have done anything to bring that connection back once more. Instead, I bit my lip and shifted my hips so I was over him and began to lower myself down on his cock.
“Oh,” I groaned, pressing my hands onto his chest for leverage as I took him in for the first time in what felt like forever. He felt so good at this angle, but this way, I could watch his face as I took him.
He let his hands come to my waist, his finger sinking into my skin as though he intended to leave marks. He was holding me so tight, it was like he was worried I might slip away if he let go. Some part of me wanted to remind him that I wasn’t going anywhere, that I loved him and that we could make this work, but I had to hold myself back no matter how tempting it was. I looked deeply into his eyes as I rocked my hips back and forth on top of him, allowing him to thrust up into me so we could build a pace.
“Touch yourself,” he ordered softly, the quietness of the voice belying the sureness of what he was asking for me. I slipped my hand between my legs and began to stroke my clit, letting my head tip back and my hair fall down over my shoulders, closing my eyes and allowing the pleasure to overtake me in ways it hadn’t before. It came in waves, long and slow, as I rode him, and he moved up into me. It was all I could do to keep my mind from unfurling over the way it felt.
Finally, after a long while, Kristo took control once more. He sat up, wrapping his arms around me, and thrust up into me, one hand on my ass and the other on the back of my neck, holding me good and steady. I slipped my hand out from between my legs and sank my nails into his skin, raking them all over his muscular shoulders, letting him know I was here and he wasn’t the only one who could leave marks.
I was getting close, the pleasure cresting in me all over again as I tried to keep myself steady. Everything that was tied up in this, all the emotion and intensity and everything I’d tried to leave behind, overwhelmed me all at once, and with a cry that seemed to fill the whole room, I came.
My body shuddered against his, and I pushed myself against him, needing to feel his skin next to mine, needing to remind myself this was real and that I wasn’t just lost to some fantasy in my bed all by myself. He held me close, mouth on my neck, as my pussy clenched around his cock, and moments later, I felt him finish inside of me, his body tensing and then releasing as we clutched onto each other.
I wasn’t sure how long the two of us were there like that, but we both seemed to understand that when we pulled apart from each other, we were going to have to accept we had done this and that it had been a stupid idea and that we should have stopped ourselves while we could. But I wasn’t ready for that yet, not when he was brushing a series of sweet kisses up my neck and toward my ear.
Finally, we extracted ourselves from each other, pulling apart slowly but surely, as he slipped out of me, and I collapsed on the bed next to him. I was exhausted, physically and emotionally, but also completely wired as though someone had shot me through with electricity. I knew I was going to have a hard time sleeping tonight, whether or not he was there with me.
He disposed of the condom, and I felt the emotion well up threateningly inside of me. I knew I needed to ignore it, but how could I do that after what had just happened?
I half-expected him not to bother coming back into the room, but sure enough, a few moments later, he returned, and he slid onto the bed next to me. He didn’t say a word, waiting for me to speak, but it wasn’t like I had any good idea of what we should do next.
I lay there, staring at the ceiling for a while, and my body ached to reach out and touch him. Apparently sensing the need pulsing through my body, he reached out for me and pulled me toward him, letting my head come to rest on his shoulder. I nestled myself into him, wondering if he had any idea what he was doing to me. Hell, maybe he liked it, knowing that he had this woman who had fallen for him, a woman he could find that emotional depth with.
He had asked. Before he had done anything serious, he had asked. He had stopped and made sure this was what I wanted, and knowing that he cared enough to think of me in that way had wrecked me. That combined with the sex and I knew I had sent myself spiraling into a deeper hole than the one I’d been in before, lost to him, my body and my mind given over to him once and for all. The words were on the tip of my tongue as we lay there in the dark together, but I swallowed them down. He didn’t want to hear them. And for now, I just wanted to be close to him.