62
“Oh my god, I can’t believe this is actually happening.” Jolene was practically dancing in her seat as we pulled up to the apartment building. I grinned in the rearview mirror. She had been saying that over and over again since we’d gotten into the SUV after loading everything she owned into the back. It surprised me how little she had, but then I remembered that up until a few months ago, the two of us had barely been able to afford to take care of ourselves. I noticed the charm bracelet on her wrist, glinting in the morning sunlight, and I smiled, knowing Kristo had given her something I would never have been able to treat her to.
“No, me neither,” I replied. “You’re going to be living with me again. With us.”
“Crashing your newlywed thing.” She grinned, chuckling to herself. “When do I start getting to throw wild parties when you’re out of town?”
“Never,” I replied firmly, shooting her a look. “Come on, let’s get your stuff unpacked and head upstairs. There is loads we’ve got to do today.”
“I’m waiting on you,” Jolene replied, as we pulled to a halt in the parking lot, not far from where Kristo had installed the stairlift. I bit my lip and waited for a second. I was a little early, but I hoped Kristo would figure out that it was our SUV pulling into the lot and send everyone down.
“Oh my goodness.” Jolene gasped suddenly. “What are they doing here?”
I turned and saw everyone we’d invited over to the apartment making their way down the stairs. Cleo was first, bounding in long strides, followed by Darla, and then Kristo helping his nonna down the steps. I couldn’t help giggling when I saw her like that. She was far from a frail old woman, and I had seen her in full, terrifying flight and knew what she was capable of.
“They’re here to help with your move,” I told her, craning around in my seat and beaming at her. She slapped her hand over her mouth.
“Really?”
“Really.” I went to help her out of the back seat of the SUV. Kristo ran to my side to help, and she was finally really there in the apartment the way I’d always dreamed.
“Welcome home!” Everyone let out a ragged chorus of the same words, and Jolene was smiling so hard, I thought she might split her face in two. She got a round of hugs from everyone, Kristo’s grandmother, in particular, who seemed reluctant to let go, and when Cleo hugged her, she wisecracked, as she was wont to do.
“Glad to see you finally made it out of the big house,” she teased, and I held my breath, praying to God she hadn’t just overstepped a line and put her foot in it. To my surprise, Jolene busted out laughing and grinned at her sister-in-law-to-be.
“Me too!” she exclaimed, and in a flurry of activity, we got Jolene and her meager number of boxes upstairs. I hung back for a moment, watching her interact with everyone else, and I felt—I wasn’t sure what it was I was feeling, but it wouldn’t go away. Cleo’s comment was playing at the back of my mind. Big house? Was that how Jolene had seen it all this time? That I had been locking her away and keeping her at arm’s length? I hated the very thought of it, yet there was nothing I could do about it now.
Kristo had gone out of his way to gather some fancy food together for Jolene, to appeal to her tendencies as a foodie. She tried it all as she took in the new flavors and textures. The group was small but lively, and they helped move everything through to the spare room that we had spent the last few weeks clearing out to make sure there was room for Jolene. We had the perfect caregiver picked out. We would be introducing her to Jolene the next day. Everything was in place, yet I couldn’t shake that nagging sense of guilt that I had done something terribly wrong.
I found myself standing over one of the boxes in Jolene’s new room, carefully folding and refolding her clothes before packing them away. My mouth was turned down at the edges, and I didn’t want to go out there and ruin everyone else’s good time. But Kristo soon seemed to notice I was gone, and he followed me into the bedroom, pushing the door shut behind us.
“What’s going on?” he asked, still grinning from whatever conversation he’d just been having out there. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah,” I assured him, and then I lowered my gaze and let out a long sigh. “Actually, no.”
“No?” He moved against me, clearly concerned. He wrapped his arms around my waist, letting his hand rest on my belly. He had fallen into a habit of it recently, even though we both knew the baby was way too small to feel moving yet. It made me feel grounded, being with him like this and knowing I could be honest, so I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair and decided to tell him the truth.
“I just feel guilty,” I admitted. “About Jolene.”
“What do you mean?” He furrowed his brow. “Aren’t you happy she’s here?”
“No, it’s not that.” I shook my head. “I’m so happy she’s here, happier than I could ever tell you. But she spent so long up in that house all by herself while I was down here in the city with you.”
“That was a choice you made for the both of you,” he reminded me. “You would have had to give up your career to stay at home and take care of her. You had to do it, remember?”
“Yeah, but did I really?” I wondered aloud. “I could have worked from home. I could have made sure I got up to see her more often. Seeing the way she was when we were leaving, it was like she couldn’t get out of there fast enough, you know? How much has she been hating it there and not telling me?”
“Hey, hey, come on now.” He brushed my hair back from my face, and I realized I was choking up. I glanced away from him, not wanting to ruin the day by starting to cry.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t mean to be like this.
“I understand,” he soothed me gently. “It’s hard, I get it. But she’s here now, and you can’t forget about that. She’s going to stay here for as long as she wants. Your sister is going to be living with you again, and you get to keep your job. It’s what you wanted, remember?”
“But am I just doing the same thing again?” I chewed my lip. “Just pawning her off on someone else and running off to live my own life?”
“Do you really think Jolene would want you worrying about her like this?” Kristo changed his approach. My shoulders slumped, and I shook my head.
“I guess not,” I conceded.