No doubt, it was the traces of Aster Rose that clawed under my skin and made me feel like I was coming unhinged.
How many times had I had to stop myself from going back there? From trying to convince her that she belonged with me?
But I’d never forget what she’d said that night.
The look in her eyes.
“I hate you.”
I’d known she meant it.
That it was all for naught.
A goddamn waste.
And here I’d let her come in and stir up my life again. Let her feed the vengeance.
It felt like I held two fistfuls of white-hot coals in the palms of my hands.
The sick, twisted truth that I wanted to hurt Jarek Urso.
That I’d wanted to keep her like some kind of aberrant prize.
Or maybe I’d just wanted to torture myself.
Turning on my heel, I moved back up Main Street. I drained the rest of my coffee and tossed the cup into a bin, working my way toward my office that was half a block up from my apartment since I needed to check in on a couple accounts.
No rest for the weary.
I tried to clear all thoughts of her from my being. To pretend last night had only been a wicked dream.
Instead, I needed to focus on what I’d been given.
Gage.
Trent and Jud’s joy at finding the good life.
Their amazing wives and kids.
It was all we’d ever wanted for each other, and I’d done my best to find my own satisfaction in that.
Not to mention what I’d worked to become. The power I’d gained so no one could look at me like I was garbage again.
Still, I itched.
I sensed the crawl of something unfathomable at the base of my neck, whispering in my ear and tickling down my spine.
I glanced behind me into the mass of bodies that were out to enjoy Saturday morning.
A puff of frustrated air gushed from my nose.
I was losing it.
I pushed the key into the lock of the office building and let myself into the quiet, stilled space. I walked past my office manager’s desk and into my office at the back.
I tossed my keys and my phone onto the black, metal desk, and I moved around to the chair and sank into the soft leather. I breathed out a sigh of irritation.
That was the second before every bit of oxygen was suddenly sucked from the room when the door opened.