“No, I don’t think you do. At least, not the way I meant it.” He turned and looked down at me with emotion-filled eyes. “I spent years putting up walls. Made myself quite a tower, but I didn’t make it for two. Never planned to let anyone in, and then you come along and make me doubt everything.”
“You’re not the only one with walls, Billy. I have them, too,” I admitted as I strummed the tips of my fingers across his chest. “This thing scares me just as much as it does you.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then don’t.”
“I’m not sure it’s that simple.”
“It is if you want it to be.” I looked up at him and smiled. “Not everything has to be difficult.”
“True, but I can’t promise you that I won’t fuck this up.”
“Let’s just see how things go. No promises.”
He nodded, then repeated, “No promises.”
I felt hopeful but wary as I lowered my head back down to his shoulder. I wanted to believe that I’d found someone special who’d make me blissfully happy for years to come, but I knew that was just a schoolgirl fantasy. I wasn’t naïve enough to believe that it would be that easy, but I felt something with Billy—something I knew was more than some idle fantasy.
I felt a smile sweep across my lips as I closed my eyes and nestled closer to him. I listened to the soothing sounds of his breathing, and it wasn’t long before I drifted off to sleep. It had been quite a day,and night, and I was pretty wiped. I thought I’d sleep like a rock. I was wrong.
I’d only been out a couple of hours when the nightmares began.
It started with my father, and my own rendition of DeLuca killing him in cold blood. It seemed so real; as if I was actually there, and I was desperate for it to end. But it didn’t. I was stuck there watching the man who loved and raised me take a bullet to the chest, and after a great deal of agony, he took his last breath. It was gut-wrenching.
I didn’t have time to recover before I was back at DeLuca’s place, and he was yelling at me to leave. I felt so torn. I knew if I stayed, I’d never get out of there, and if I left, I was as good as dead. I couldn’t bear the thought of spending one more moment in that house under his rule, so I took a chance and ran.
Seconds later, I was on the ground with three bullet wounds to the back. Everything went black, and then, I was at Billy’s, and there was the sound of gunfire—gunfire that was meant for me. I was overcome with guilt. Not only because I’d caused it by transferring that money from DeLuca’s account but also because I hadn’t told Billy about it.
It was my fault.
All of it.
I woke up with all intentions of telling Billy everything, but when I rolled over, I discovered that I was in bed alone. I sat up and was about to call out to Billy when I found a note on my pillow.
Morning,
I had to run into town for a few supplies. I’ll be back soon.
Billy
After I placedthe note on the bedside table, I got up and took a quick shower. I put on a pair of the knit shorts I’d bought with an oversized t-shirt of Billy’s, then pulled my damp hair into a messy bun. Once I’d made myself look presentable, I gathered the rest of my clothes and took them over to the laundry closet. I put the sheets in the dryer and started it, then loaded the washer with my things and started it as well.
As soon as I was done, I went to the kitchen to see if there was any tidying up that needed to be done there, but the place was practically spotless. Billy must’ve gotten up early and taken care of it. I shouldn’t have been surprised. The man really liked for things to be clean and in their place.
Since there was no coffee to be made or muffins to bake, I decided to go sit out on the porch, but I hadn’t gotten far when the front door flew open, and Billy charged inside with his hands full of groceries. I rushed over to help him as I asked, “What’s all this?”
“Just a few things to get us through the next couple of days.”
“I didn’t know you were going shopping.” I placed the bag down on the counter and started pulling everything out. “I would’ve gone with you and given you a hand.”
“I know. I just hated to wake you.” He placed the milk and eggs in the fridge, then started on the dry goods. “How did you sleep?”
“Not that great.”
“I was afraid of that.” When Billy got to the coffee, he lifted the container and asked, “You up for a cup?”
“Absolutely.”