How the hell do I get that back?
I hate the silence between us, but right now, it’s necessary. I know what he wants to ask me. The second he opens his mouth he’s going to give me the ‘you know you can talk to me’ speech and when it comes from him, I always cave. He has a hold over me that I can’t seem to break, yet I don’t want to break it. If anything, I want more.
Thankfully, we get all the way back to my place before he lets me have it. “Tora,” he says, holding onto my hand a little firmer when I go to reach for the door handle. “What’s going on?”
I shake my head. “It’s nothing,” I tell him.
“When it comes to you, it’s never ‘nothing’,” he says, reaching over and taking my chin between his thumb and forefinger.
“I… I can’t. I have to go.”
“Can we at least talk about it later?”
“Trust me, I don’t doubt we’ll be talking about it later,” I scoff as his brows crease. I don’t bother telling him it would be more like him talking at me when he finds out what the hell I did yesterday. I also don’t bother telling him that when he said ‘later’, what he should have said was ‘when I come tearing in here demanding answers’. “I’ll, um… see you later.”
His eyes soften as he drops his hand from mine. “Ok,” he murmurs. Something screams at me that he’s dying to say something more and something else is telling me that I know exactly what it is he’s wanting to say, but the words just won’t come out.
My heart silently breaks. I never knew just how hard it would be to not hear him say those three little words. I know he feels it so deeply and I know he said them last night, but having him purposefully holding back. That’s something new and it cuts right down to the soul.
I close the door of the Range Rover and walk up the stairs of my home, not having the nerve to turn around and watch him go. I don’t bother with the whole sneaking back in thing. Mom is either up and already knows I’m not home or she’s still in her bed, meaning I can move around the place freely.
I push through the door to find our home dead quiet and I realize I just got away with murder though something inside me was hoping I’d get caught. Maybe then mom would have screamed at me and then I’d have a chance to scream right back and give myself an excuse to mask my pain as something else.
I get up to my bedroom and head straight for the bathroom. I never peed when I got up and my bladder is threatening World War Three if I don’t release it now. I attend to business and get in the shower. I don’t know why I bother. It’s not like I’ll be going anywhere today or the rest of my life for that matter.
By the time I finish and get myself dressed, my mother is knocking on the door and pushing it open. “I’m heading out,” she tells me with her resting bitch face, letting me know she’s still extremely pissed off. “Under no circumstances are you to leave this house. Take yourself downstairs and eat a decent breakfast, then you can attend to the list of chores I have left for you on the counter. I expect it complete by the time I am home.”
I silently nod and a second later, she’s gone.
Shit. I’ve never seen her quite this mad before. I mean, apart from last night of course, but that was right after it happened. She’s not a grudge holder but I guess she’s going to start now.
With a sigh, I sit down on the edge of my bed and wait as I listen to her Jimmy Choo’s on the stairs until they get to the bottom. She pauses by the front entryway table, digs through the keys, and a moment later, she’s out the door.
Safe.
I get my ass downstairs as the curiosity for this stupid list is far too great. I barge my way into the kitchen and find the slip of paper on the counter and scan over it.
I want it all done before I get home. Every last thing.
– Scrub kitchen.
– Clean bathroom (including toilets… all seven of them).
– Fold and put away laundry.
– Dust whole house – even behind the TV.
– Scoop leaves out of the pool.
– Mop floors – upstairs and down.
– Take trash out.
Don’t even think about skipping one. I’ll be checking when I get home.
P.S. Before you get smart and think the pool guy is coming – I’ve already cancelled him.
P.P.S. I know you’re angry and feel wronged in some ridiculous way but remember that even though you’ve upset me, I love you with everything I’ve got.