Tora – Ok. Xxx
I put my phone down and roll onto my back. This day seriously sucks. I’ve already painted my nails, my room is clean, I’ve done a bit of studying, and nothing is keeping me interested on my Kindle, not even my go-to re-reads.
What am I going to do to pass the next few hours?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
The door of my room creaks open and I look across, expecting mom to poke her head in the same way she’s been doing every few hours since I’ve been home from the hospital. Only her head never pokes through, Nate’s whole body does.
I gape at him for a second before pushing myself up. He silently closes the door behind him and walks across my room to sit on the couch. “Um… What are you doing here?” I ask the quiet room. “Why aren’t you in Vegas with the boys?”
“I didn’t go,” he mutters.
“Yeah, clearly,” I say, hating that there’s an awkwardness between us. This isn’t him. He never walks into a room and not touch me, it’s always the first thing he does. This whole, sitting on the couch and avoiding my eyes is not him and it’s putting massive doubt and fear in my mind. “What’s going on, Nate?” I ask as my eyes begin to sting.
I will myself not to cry. I have a bad feeling about this. I don’t know why he’s here or what he has to say, all I know is that whatever is about to happen is going to shred me to pieces. If it wasn’t, he wouldn’t look so sick.
Nate lets out a heavy breath and finally looks up at me. I see nothing but pain behind his eyes and it shatters me. I’ve never seen him like this. He looks haunted and I hate that I don’t know what’s causing it. His deep voice cuts through my inner turmoil. “We need to talk.”
I shake my head. This isn’t good. “Nate,” I say, hoping that he’s not going to do what I think he’s going to do. I mean, after a week of avoiding me, I’ve thought through every possible scenario.
“I’m not good for you,” he says.
“What?” I grunt, cutting him off. “This is about what my dad said, isn’t it? He’s wrong. You know that.”
“Tora,” he says. “He’s not wrong.”
“Don’t, Nate,” I say over a lump in my throat. “Dad doesn’t know anything. All that stuff about the suspension and the fights are bullshit. There were perfectly good reasons behind it all. I know you know that.”
“No,” he argues. “It’s all me. Suspensions and getting into fights is my life. No matter what I do all that bullshit follows me, and now, it’s coming down on you. Your dad is right, Tora. I know you don’t want to believe it, but being with me is going to cost you your future and I can’t do that to you.”
“Don’t,” I say again as a single tear falls from my eye and splashes onto my bed. I scramble off and cross the room before straddling his lap. I need to feel him close, and maybe if he felt me again, he won’t do this. “I love you, Nate. You can’t do this. Don’t do this to us. You said you’d never hurt me again.”
My words break him and he wraps his hands around me, pulling me in close, but I see the determination in his eyes. He’s already made up his mind and that realization hits me like a freight train.
We’re done.
“Babe,” he says with deep regret. “I fucking love you too and believe me when I say that I wish I didn’t have to do this. You’re my whole fucking world and all I want is what’s best for you, but that’s not me,” he says, running his thumb under my eyes and wiping away another tear. “Look at you, Tora. Since we’ve been together, you’ve become hard. You have no issues jumping into fights and putting people in their place, but before us, you would have gawked at the idea of being so forward.”
“What do you expect?” I say. “I’m not just going to sit back and do nothing when you’re in a shitty situation.”
“That’s the problem,” he says. “Just being with me puts you in danger. I don’t want you around that. Someone locked us in a boat shed and lit it on fire, just to get at me, and you nearly fucking died. I can’t risk it anymore. I won’t lose you, Tora.”
The tears start to flow freely and I hold on to him a little tighter. “I’ll be better,” I tell him.
He shakes his head before resting it against mine. “I don’t want you to be better. I want you to be the way you are. I want you to be you, and being with me, it’s not healthy for you. Your grades are slipping and you’re going to lose everything you’ve worked for. I can’t do that to you. You deserve so much better.”