“Newsflash. I already got hurt,” I say as a flashback of orange flames cloud my vision.
“He’s a fucking idiot,” he growls as he leans forward onto his elbows and shakes his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe he didn’t tell me.”
“Jess,” I groan as my eyes begin to sting. “Please, can we just… stop talking about him? It hurts enough as it is. I don’t want the reminder.”
He lets out a heavy breath and turns to face me before standing and attempting to pull me up behind him. “Come on,” he says. “I’m taking you out. I don’t want you moping around your room over that asshole any longer.”
I pull my hand back. “No,” I say. “I’m not feeling it tonight.”
“Tora,” he demands, looking at me as though I’m a lost child who needs to be pulled back into line. “Get your ass dressed. We’ll go to a party and have a few drinks. I promise you’ll feel so much better. You need to let loose. You know what they say; the way to get over a guy is to get under another.”
The thought of being with someone else surges through me and cuts right down into my soul, making me feel sick. “Jess,” I groan. “Go without me. You’ll have a better time.”
“Tora,” he demands again, grabbing my arm and giving it a solid yank, making me fly right up to my feet. “You’re coming out with me whether you like it or not. We’re getting fucked up.”
“No, Jess. Please, just leave me alone. I want to be alone.”
He walks over to my closet and starts picking out clothes and I find myself storming over to him, completely overwhelmed by my emotions. I mean, the idea of going out to a party, where I’m sure Nate is going to be, sounds like a horrible idea. I want to dive back under the covers of my bed and disappear.
“Stop it,” I yell at him as I snatch a dress out of his hands. “I don’t want to go to a fucking party. I want to stay home. I want to mope. I want to live in a bubble of my own depression. I refuse to go out and be the pathetic ex-girlfriend who breaks down in front of everyone when some other girl tries to get him in bed. I’m not doing it, Jess. I won’t put myself through that.”
He looks at me as though I’ve just kicked his puppy. I’ve never lost my shit at him and realizing what I’ve done makes the tears spring to my eyes. “Please?” he says, quietly, looking at me with pity.
I shake my head as the look he gives me cuts a little too deep. “Not tonight,” I tell him, hastily wiping at my eyes. “I want to be alone.”
He purses his lips as he studies me before letting out a low sigh. “Fine,” he says, looking down at the ground. “I’ll see you later.”
With that, he walks out the door, leaving me feeling worse than when he got here.
Great. I’m a fucking bitch now, too. Nate was right. I have changed. I’m here yelling at the one guy who has done nothing but be an incredible friend to me.
I collapse back onto my bed and curl my arms around my pillow before crying into it, just like I’ve done every other day this week. I didn’t think it’d be so hard seeing Jesse. I mean, he’s just Jesse, yet he shares the same eyes and dark hair with a man that I’m so in love with. Jesse is part of our inner circle and breaking it to him was almost as bad as the actual break up.
I try to find a book to read, but nothing keeps me interested. All I can think about is that party tonight. No doubt Nate is going to be there and I can only just imagine the girls falling at his feet. But what’s worse is that now he has no attachment to me. He can do whatever the hell his heart desires with those girls and there’s not a thing I can do about it.
The thought kills me, but the mental image is worse. So much worse.
The door of my room flies open and within the blink of an eye, Brooke stands before me looking down at me in disgust. “Ugh, I had a feeling you’d be moping in bed.”
“Ever heard of knocking?” I grunt, rolling over to face away from her.
“Ever heard of not being a depressive ass rat?”
“Ever heard of leaving me the hell alone?” I throw back at her, sending a nasty glare over my shoulder.
“Wow,” she smiles, innocently. “You’re such a treat. I’m so glad I came over.”
“What did you expect?”
Brooke lets out a heavy sigh and comes and joins me on my bed. “Don’t push me away,” she begs. “I know you’re hurting. I’ve just been through this and I was like you. I just wanted to be alone, but you came and forced me to go out and that helped. Now, it’s your turn. I’m not going to let you hole up in your room like this. You haven’t left the house in a week, and quite frankly, you stink. When was the last time you showered?”