Aside from their sorry excuse for a father, my nephews have got the kind of stable life a kid should start out with. It sounds like Alyssa’s family life is a mess.
I’m not the most tactful person in the world, but I think about how best to avoid offending her for a minute, then I ask, “And, uh, where are you planning to put this new baby? I mean, where does he or she fit into all this? You said the house is tight already. Were you planning to stay there?”
“I’m not sure,” she answers, shrugging one shoulder then reaching for her orange juice. “I only took a pregnancy test a couple weeks ago, so I haven’t figured it all out yet. My sister already has baby stuff for a boy and a girl, though, so I can just use a lot of her hand-me-downs.”
I don’t say anything with my mouth, but my face must be doing some talking, because after a minute, she narrows her eyes at me across the table.
Sounding a little guarded, she says, “What? You don’t think I can handle raising a baby on my own?”
“I didn’t say anything like that,” I point out.
“It doesn’t seem like you approve of this plan. I didn’t even say it was my plan—you’re just assuming, like you assumed I must have run off when you came downstairs and saw the door open, right? Maybe you shouldn’t assume so much, ’cause sometimes you’re wrong.”
I shake my head, picking my fork back up so I can finish my breakfast. “I didn’t say anything about you not being able to raise a baby yourself. I just don’t think you should have to, that’s all. The situation you’ve told me about seems far from ideal, and it doesn’t seem like you and your sister grew up real well without a father in the picture, so maybe it’s not the best cycle to keep going.” I shrug again, raising my hands in surrender. “I’m not judging you, just making observations.”
“I think I grew up all right,” she says, clearly defensive.
“I think it could’ve gone a little better,” I offer, generously.
She scowls at me. “Well, I don’t have a choice, do I? Having a baby under these circumstances wasn’t my first choice, either. I figured when it happened someday my baby would have a father and we’d be in love, but… that didn’t happen. I fucked up, okay? What do you want me to do about it? I’m trying to make it right, but I can only work with what I have.”
It’s not that she’s wrong; I just don’t like it. I can’t very well tell her she should try to make it work with the baby’s father or at least let him be in the kid’s life so it has some kind of male role model to look up to, because the father in question is married to my sister and already has a family. He’s also not at all someone who should be held up as a goddamn role model.
The link to my family, even if it’s through Theo’s worthless ass, makes me feel some kind of connection to this kid she’s carrying, like it’s family, even if it really isn’t. Obviously I’d never let a niece or nephew of mine be born into squalor, and since her baby will be a sibling of my nieces and nephews (even if they never know that)…well, damn. I don’t know. Makes me feel bad, like maybe it’s my job to fix it.
“I don’t think you should stay at your grandfather’s house,” I tell her, looking at her across the table. “Seems to me the place is full already. You have any other relatives you could stay with? Reliable ones?”
“No,” she answers, taking the last bite of her eggs and standing, clearing her plate and glass from the table and taking them to the sink. “I don’t know why you’re so worried about it, anyway. Aren’t you still thinking about killing me? Maybe I’ll never even get to have my baby.”
It makes me feel mean, hearing her say that. I don’t like it. “I’m not gonna kill you,” I mutter.
She looks back at me as I finish my orange juice and stand. “No?”
I follow her over to the sink with my dishes. “No,” I verify, meeting her gaze. “Even if I could kill you, which I don’t especially want to do, turns out I don’t think I could live with killing a pregnant woman.”
It’s an absurd statement to draw a smile out of her, but she gives me a little one anyway. “I knew you weren’t all bad.”
“If you think that makes me good, I’d say your bar’s set a little low there, darlin’.”
Her cheeks flush, but her pretty eyes are still glittering with pleasure.
They’re not gonna be for much longer. I check the watch on my wrist for the time and see I need to get my ass to work. Technically, the place doesn’t open for a few hours, but the supply order comes on Saturday mornings, so I need to get in early to receive it and put it all away.