The Imperfections

“You’re very loyal, for an abductee.”

“You’re my favorite abductor,” I tell him with exaggerated fondness in my eyes as I look over at him.

I’m playing—mostly—but there’s something bittersweet in his gaze when I look at him.

Rolling over and curling closer, I ask, “What’s wrong?”

“I enjoy the hell out of you. I wish these were viable plans.”

“Why aren’t they?” I try to keep my tone light. “I’m willing to be flexible, Brant. I understand it’s complicated with us. I understand it’s hard to… be with me, and maybe you don’t want to take that chance until you’re sure it would work, but I can work with that. I’m not demanding, I’m not high-maintenance. If you need me to stay a secret for a while, I will. It won’t bother me, I promise. I don’t want the rest of the world in our relationship anyway. I like it so much because it’s just you and me.”

“I like that, too,” he admits, reaching out and catching a lock of my hair, winding it around his fingers thoughtfully.

Seeing I’m actually making some progress even though I didn’t expect to, I curl even closer, wrapping an arm around him and looking up at him. “So, what’s the harm in trying it out? What’s the worst that could happen?”

“The worst that can happen is it doesn’t work out, and then I hurt you more because I kept you longer,” he says with regret on his face, like it’s an inevitability instead of just a possibility.

“I’m willing to take that risk,” I tell him. “I will bend however you need me to—just give us a chance.”

“You shouldn’t have to bend that much for someone, Alyssa.”

“That’s my call, not yours. How far I’m willing to bend and compromise…it’s not your job to set that limit for me, Brant. That’s my territory.”

“I don’t want to damage you,” he says seriously, pushing his fingers through my hair and cradling my head.

I scoot up so my breasts are smashed against his chest and I’m half on top of him. “You won’t. I promise. In case you haven’t noticed, I tend to be pretty resilient. I’m like a cat with nine lives—I always land on my feet, even when jerky people try to drown me. Give me a fraction of the trust I have in you and let me make this decision for myself.”

His head sinks into the pillow and he looks up at the ceiling for a few beats. “You deserve better than to be with a man who keeps you a secret, Alyssa. It worries me that you’re willing to go from one relationship like that right into another.”

“You’re not married, though,” I point out. “It’s not the same.”

“It’s not the same, but it’s not that different, either,” he says, clearly uncomfortable with the realization. “You deserve to be with a man who can show everyone how proud he is to have you, not someone who treats you like a dirty little secret.”

“And I know you would, if things were different.” I miss a beat, then tell him, “It’s not like you’re marrying me, Brant. You’re not stuck with me. If it doesn’t work out and you don’t feel enough for me after a while, then… at least we tried.”

Pointing at me, he says, “See, right there—you’re hoping for a promotion I can’t give you. Even in the best-case scenario, say you are perfect for me and you feel the same way, nothing changes about your situation. You’re still pregnant with my brother-in-law’s baby. It’s not like I can introduce you to my family and bring you into my life. The problem isn’t that I don’t think I’d like being with you. The problem is—you know what the problem is,” he finishes irritably, not wanting to rub my face in it again.

Frustration builds up inside me. “The problem is you’re not even willing to try.”

“Because it can’t go anywhere,” he says, his eyes widening like he can’t believe I refuse to accept this.

“Because I’m pregnant,” I say, staring at him. “Is that what it is? It’s not that I slept with Theo, it’s…that. It’s my baby that’s the problem.”

His expression softens, and he reaches for me, turning me into his side so he can reach over and touch my belly. “No. Your baby isn’t a problem. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just, if you weren’t pregnant, it would be a little different. There’d be no proof you slept with Theo. Even if the accusation eventually came out somehow, we could deny it for all we’re worth and try to revise that particular reality. A baby changes things. A baby means living, breathing DNA evidence of the affair, and a baby isn’t something there’s just a risk of Bri finding out about, it’s a certainty. Since she knew you before and at the time you got pregnant, how would you explain that? She probably knows you don’t have a boyfriend, and if she knows there’s no other prospective father, especially if Theo starts acting squirrelly when I bring you around…” He shakes his head, meeting my gaze. “She’s not an idiot, Alyssa. She’ll put two and two together, and then we’ll both be fucked.”