The Imperfections

“What do you think?” Alyssa asks, walking into our bedroom and spinning around as she proudly shows off her patriotic ensemble.

She’s wearing a navy blue dress with white polka dots and a thin, red cardigan over it with sleeves that only barely cover her elbows. Her honey blonde hair is pulled back in a high pony tail with a few tendrils hanging down around her face on each side.

I look her over until her cheeks pinken, then bring my gaze back to her face. “Beautiful.”

She beams at me and we head downstairs to get Scout. This being his first Fourth of July, I don’t know how he’ll fare with the fireworks, but I’d feel too bad leaving him here by himself when I know he likes to play with the kids. Now that Alyssa and I will be having one of our own, I need to keep him comfortable around them, too.

Once we get downstairs, Alyssa rounds him up and I grab a bag of chips and the food out of the fridge. Alyssa made some kind of pineapple salsa, and I marinated the meat skewers I bring to grill every year. My sister always has a ton of food, but my skewers are always a favorite. I told Alyssa she didn’t really need to make anything, but she wanted to feel like she was contributing. Next year I imagine she and Bri will feel more like family, but this year Alyssa’s worried about impressing her.

Me, I’m not worried about Alyssa impressing Bri with her salsa—I’m worried about Theo. Since I haven’t talked to my sister, I don’t know for sure she hasn’t told him she saw Alyssa the night of the carnival, but I think if she had, he would have paid me a visit at the bar by now. I haven’t heard from him, so that makes me think despite my sister’s warning that she wouldn’t cover my ass if I hurt Alyssa, she has. That means when I stroll into their house with Alyssa a step behind me, Theo is bound to have some questions.

Alyssa might’ve been right. I probably should have given him a heads-up. I’m banking on Bri being so surprised to see her, she’ll be dealing with her own surprise and won’t be analyzing Theo’s reaction.

It could all go pretty badly, but I’m being optimistic. Not too much I can do about it at this point, anyway.

Alyssa spends the majority of our car ride there keeping Scout out of the food, and I spend it daydreaming about all the ways I’d like to hurt my brother-in-law. When I pull into the driveway, I can’t seem to muster any excitement. A glance over at Alyssa tells me she’s nervous, too. Scout’s the only one eager to check out his surroundings.

I know the door will be unlocked since they’re having a party today, so I don’t bother knocking. Alyssa falls a step behind me as we walk inside, and I wonder how strange it is for her to be back here, especially under such drastically different circumstances.

I should probably thank her for being willing to come with me today knowing how uncomfortable it would be. Doesn’t matter that she was the one in the wrong—discomfort is discomfort, and a lot of people would go to great lengths to avoid being confronted by the fallout of their own sins. They wouldn’t want to come to a gathering like this, wouldn’t want to face people they’ve hurt when they could easily avoid it. I doubt Alyssa will be able to look at my sister and her husband even once today without thinking about what she did with him, but Alyssa didn’t complain at all.

She’s braver than I was at her age. I know it was my unwillingness to go to Nicole’s funeral that first started the whispers that maybe I wasn’t even mourning, maybe I wanted her dead. Maybe I was the one who killed her.

Maybe everything would’ve gone a lot differently if I’d have set aside my own discomfort and simply made an appearance that day. Worn black, bowed my head, listened to the litany of nice things people had to say about her and how much she’d be missed.

“Do you think Bri will be surprised I’m here?” Alyssa asks.

Pulled back to the present, I look over at her and nod my head. “I’d say so. She’s probably pretty convinced you’re fish food by now.”

“Have you turned so many people into fish food at this point that it’s easy for her to jump to that conclusion?”

“Only a couple, but people tend to have long memories and react pretty strongly to that kind of thing. Kill a measly couple of people and all of a sudden everyone thinks you’re a murderer.”

Perfect as she is, she shakes her head and plays along. “Weird.”