The Imperfections

I think Nicole always carried around a container of lighter fluid in her back pocket.

“So, we were out on the water, and everything seemed okay at first. Brant was steering the boat but I wanted to, so he started to show me what to do. Nicole and Brandon were sitting behind us, and I don’t know exactly what happened,” she says, shaking her head. “One minute Brant was sitting there with me while I steered the boat, and the next he was looking back at Nicole and scowling at her. He got up and told her to come out on the deck with him, then he closed the door and we could faintly hear them arguing, but I couldn’t hear what it was about. The boat was loud and I was used to them fighting from time to time, so I just didn’t think much of it, you know?”

I nod my understanding.

“But then after a few minutes, the fighting stopped and they didn’t come back in. I figured they were just making up, but I told Brandon to move the curtain aside and peek out the window to make sure everything was okay. When he did, he said he didn’t see Nicole. At first, I didn’t think anything of it. Nicole had a habit of using sex in response to Brant’s anger, so I told him to check ‘below deck,’ if you catch my drift.”

I wrinkle up my nose at the image of any woman but me on her knees for Brant.

“They had a volatile, passionate relationship,” she explains. “It fed on the fighting.”

“Yuck.”

“Well, in any case, Brandon swore she wasn’t out there. I told him to take the wheel and I slid the door open and went out on the deck, and…he was right, Nicole was nowhere. Brant was just standing there, staring down into the water. Just staring. He didn’t… he wasn’t doing anything until I came out, and then he sort of slowly snapped out of it. I asked where Nicole went, and he said she fell into the water. Nicole didn’t know how to swim, so I freaked out and demanded to know when. The boat was moving, why hadn’t he rushed into the cabin to tell me the moment she fell overboard so I could stop or turn around or… do something?” Looking up at me, she shakes her head, a haunted look in her eye. “He swears she fell in, he swears it was an accident, but Alyssa, he didn’t do anything to try to save her. I ran back in the cabin and told Brandon and he dove in and tried to find her, but… she was gone.”

Imagining that night, the hair stands up on my arms. “But why would he have…?”

Bri shrugs, averting her gaze, looking a little more defensive than she has up until this point. “It’s hard to say. I tried to ask him about it after her funeral. I just wanted to get the truth out of him. I hated thinking he had done something so horrible, but the way he acted afterward… everyone started to wonder. He wouldn’t tell me at first. You know Brant—he’s protective of me, and everything changed, but he didn’t tell me why. He got in a fight with Brandon—like, punches thrown, a physical altercation, not just yelling at each other. He wouldn’t go to Nicole’s funeral or have anything to do with celebrating her memory. It was like he wanted her to be gone, like he wanted to forget her. And like I said before, he changed, darkened, sank into himself more than he ever had before. Finally, after the shock had worn off for all of us, I guess, he told me his version of events.”

I tense at the way she says that, like because it’s his side of the story, it’s inherently unreliable.

“He said while we were steering the boat and I was messing with the controls, he glanced back and saw Nicole’s hand on Brandon’s thigh. They weren’t paying attention to him since he was showing me how to steer, and they were too busy playing with each other. He said that the way Brandon smiled at her, it didn’t seem like it was the first time, and then they touched hands and exchanged looks, and he just… he just knew something was going on. He hauled Nicole out on the deck so I wouldn’t overhear, then accused her of fucking around with my boyfriend—his best friend. And I guess she was so fed up at that point, she didn’t even deny it. I guess she taunted him. That’s what he says,” she adds quickly, looking up at me. “After Brant told me all this, of course I went straight to Brandon and demanded answers, but he swore they weren’t sleeping together, they weren’t doing anything. He said their hands might have briefly touched on the seat between them, but it was nothing and Brant overreacted.”