My tongue is heavy with the weight of all the truths I’m keeping in, but I try my best to sound convincing when I tell him, “He was just dropping off some galvanized buckets for the reception.”
“Dropping off buckets?” Brant yanks me back, looking down at me with a thunderous scowl on his suspicious face. “Then why was the barn door closed? Scout was going crazy trying to get in.”
I don’t have an answer for that, and I’m not a good enough liar to come up with one on the spot. I’m afraid he’ll misread my hesitation. I hate that there’s a hesitation at all, but I can’t for the life of me think of what to say.
“Alyssa,” he says firmly, gripping my shoulders and glaring at me expectantly.
Speak! I scream at my brain to make words, but I can’t think of a single one.
Brant scowls, looking at me more closely now. His gaze sweeps over me, searching everywhere for something amiss, but stops when it hits the floor. I look down to see what he’s staring at and see the chain lying there by my feet.
Brant lifts his gaze to mine, wordlessly questioning me.
“I dropped it,” I finally say, breaking my silence.
I can see on his face he doesn’t believe me, not for one second. His features harden and fear slices through me. I grab him, terrified of him slipping away. I wrap my arms around him again and bury my face in his chest, wordlessly begging his forgiveness for lying.
There’s no forgiveness without confession, though, and I don’t confess.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur against his chest.
His voice is as hard as steel and as cold as ice. “For what?”
A shard of fear stabs me right in the heart and I hold on to him tighter. “Being alone with him,” I say, even though it’s not the whole truth. It’s hard to breathe, and every second I feel the anger vibrating off of him, I become more and more of a nervous wreck. “He just showed up and I didn’t know what to do.”
Brant stands there for a long moment while I cling to him, not touching me or in any way returning my embrace. I don’t let go, though, and after what feels like a lifetime, he finally wraps one arm around my back to hold me against him.
Hard. Unforgiving. Cold.
These aren’t the worst things I know Brant is capable of, but they’re the worst for me. I never want to trigger any of those feelings in him. I never want him to look at me with doubt because I’ve actually done something to deserve it, and I feel dangerously close to crossing that line. I don’t know what to do, though. Brant doesn’t back down, especially not from Theo. I can’t tell him what Theo threatened; it will only infuriate Brant even more.
“Please don’t be mad at me,” I whisper, rubbing his back while I continue hugging him tight, like I’m afraid to let go.
His tone is gruff, but it’s more resigned than angry. “I’m not mad at you.”
Despite his words, he lets go of me and puts his hands on my shoulders, pulling me off him. My stomach drops until he tips my chin up and makes me look at him, then he cradles my face in his big, warm hand. For the space of a few heartbeats, he just stares at me, then he finally breaks his silence.
“I’m gonna teach you to shoot.”
That’s maybe the last thing I expected him to say, and I can’t help rearing back a little. “What?”
“I have an extra handgun upstairs. It’s yours now. I’m gonna show you how to use it.”
“Wh—why?” I stammer uncertainly.
“Because I see genuine fear written all over your face right now, and I don’t like it. I don’t know if he put it there or I did, maybe some combination of both of us, but whatever caused it, someone has frightened you. I don’t want you to ever be genuinely afraid of any man, myself included. You’re pregnant, so I can’t teach you self-defense right now, but I can teach you to fire a gun. A man ever scares you like this again, you pump a couple of bullets into that miserable bastard.”
I’m so startled, a nervous laugh escapes me. “I’m not sure I could.”
“You could,” he tells me with unreasonable confidence. “You’re a mama bear, protective of your own. If someone forced your hand, you could pull the trigger. I’m gonna teach you how, so you don’t get hurt if you ever need to.”
He drops his hand, but I continue to stare up at him. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Don’t have to say anything.” Then, changing his mind and cradling my face again, he reaches around and pulls my body snugly against his. “I’m never gonna hurt you, Alyssa. No matter what you do.”