A noise escapes me that I can’t even identify. A whimper? Some helpless sound as the hardness of his cock presses against me, leaving an imprint that I’ll still feel long after he withdraws. Fuck.
I look up at him, certain he can see the lust in my eyes—it should be oozing out of my pores at this point. My stomach is twisted up in knots, and it’s not even Vince this time—I feel bad about Vince, but I haven’t recovered from how pissed I am at him.
It’s Meg.
I can’t do that to Meg.
And neither can he.
But oh, how I want him to.
It feels like he’s waiting for me, for some signal he knows I can’t give. I can hardly coax the air out of my lungs, and my head is at war with my heart, with my body.
I want him to take away my choice.
The realization kills me, literally slays me, but I want him to pick me up, throw me down on that bed, and fuck me until I forget every reason he shouldn’t. I want him to pin me down, I want his kisses on my neck, his cock pushing inside me, relieving this ache I have for him, if only for a stolen moment. I want his brutality. I want the excuse. I can lie to cover his sins, but I can’t lie to cover my own.
I can’t say yes to the question he isn’t asking.
Because Meg said yes to the question he did ask.
My brain is a bitch for that reminder, but the bitch I needed. It’s not exactly a bucket of ice water dropped on my head, but a slow, chilly trickle dripping through my veins.
I wonder if this is what people mean by lovesick.
Only I don’t know if this is love. I don’t know what this is. Addiction, maybe.
Like I’m not a junkie, I pull away from him.
He could stop me, of course, but he doesn’t. He lets me go. He knows it’s what’s best for both of us. For all of us.
I feel literally sick, like the end of a night of hard partying when you know you’re going to have one hell of a hangover the next day. I’ve consumed too much Mateo and now I’m going to crash.
Instead of speaking, I turn toward the door. I still can’t breathe properly, and I feel claustrophobic, like if I can just get out of this room and suck in a breath of fresh air, I’ll feel a part of the world again, and not stuck in this isolated Mateo bubble where up is down and wrong is right.
I can’t let myself be alone with him again.
He’s still a threat. Not the same one he was before, but a threat all the same.
“Well, thank you,” I say, dragging some semblance of lightness out of myself. “For coming to my rescue,” I add, feeling the need to clarify.
Recovering more convincingly, he flashes me a light smile, as if none of that just happened. “Even villains save the day sometimes.”
“I wish you were still a villain,” I murmur, almost under my breath.
Raising his eyebrows in mild surprise, he asks, “What was that?”
“Nothing,” I say innocently, reaching for the doorknob.
He comes up behind me, grabbing my hand, steadying it. Just the sensation of his hand on mine causes my skittering heart to sink. He uses his body to flatten me against the door. Heat from his chest scorches my back. The hardness of his arousal presses against my ass. Every bit of sense I just reclaimed falls out of me and I brace a hand on the door as his other hand skims my side. My body throbs, my mind races, and oh, my god, this man.
“Be careful what you wish for, sweetheart,” he murmurs, his warm breath on my ear.
He’s so close. So close. I’m a little light-headed as his lips float just above my skin. He releases my hand on the knob and pushes my hair back over my shoulder, dropping the lightest kiss on my neck.
The breath rushing in and out of my body right now isn’t terribly subtle. He has to know he could hike up my leg and fuck me right here against the door and the only cries he would get out of me would be cries of pleasure.
But this time he pulls back.
I sag, not with relief, but disappointment.
I stumble back as he reaches for the knob this time. He eases the door open and sunshine spills in—a harsh reminder of the world outside. The world we’re both a part of.
With one last longing look at the bed, I pull myself together, scoop up what’s left of my dignity, and follow Mateo out to his car.