My lips feel bruised. My heart feels bruised.
He reaches a hand out and drags the back of his long finger across my jawline. It should be a tender gesture. It has been a tender gesture. But it isn’t tender now—it’s just like the first time he did it in the hallway outside his bedroom all those months ago, lightly mocking. “You look scared.”
I don’t say anything back. I don’t know if he wants me to be scared, and I’m too afraid to give the wrong answer.
“You weren’t prepared for this, were you?” he asks, almost lightly. “Did you think life with me would be a fairytale?”
A knot of angry embarrassment slides through me. My chest is so full of fear and anxiety, I still don’t speak. I hate when he mocks me. I tell myself it’s good he’s turning sardonic—maybe he’s being mean, but I’d rather he be mean to me than Vince. He’s also less likely to do anything rash if he has his wits about him.
“Do you know why I always win, Mia?” he finally asks me, quietly.
I shake my head, swallowing.
“Because I am willing to do whatever it takes to get what I want.”
I swallow three times, my gaze darting briefly to Vince in the floor, before returning to Mateo. I still can’t get past the lump in my throat. My voice wavers, but I still manage to ask, “Do you remember what I said about how you can make people stay with you, but you can’t make them feel, and you can’t make them forgive?”
He stares at me, his dark eyes slightly narrowed. Fear coils in my gut, because as long as I’ve known him, I have no idea how to handle his temper. I know he’s used to making the rules, and I’m afraid to say anything he’ll take as me trying to manage him. I don’t want him to feel like I’m threatening him, but he needs to know where my limits are. He said he loves me, I know he cares; maybe he’s angry and cold right now, but he won’t want to ruin things between us.
With that thought it mind, I say as carefully as I can, “I might be able to forgive you for using things I said to you in our most tender moments against me, to hurt someone I care about. For lashing out at me and embarrassing me just for the hell of it. I can probably get past those things. But if you kill him… I will never be able to forgive you for that.”
He nods slowly, his face impassive. I can’t tell if I’ve further angered him, or reminded him he has something to lose. Finally, his voice clear of emotion, Mateo says, “Okay.” Then he looks to Colin. “Take her outside while I finish this.”
I can only stand here, horrified, as Colin comes over to do Mateo’s bidding. I don’t understand. It takes a moment for it to dawn on me… he’s still going to do it. He’s still going to kill Vince. He looked me in the face, he heard my words, and they meant absolutely nothing to him. I’m floored, completely floored that he was unmoved by my plea.
Desperation claws at me now, helpless terror climbing the walls of my heart. “Mateo… Mateo, no. Please!” I take a step toward him, needing to touch him again, needing to connect. I can calm Vince down when he gets in one of his fits; surely I can reason with Mateo, I’m just not doing it right.
Colin grabs me before I can reach him. Looking back at Colin, I shake my head in denial. “No. Get your hands off me. Please, I need—I need—”
Colin ignores me, removing me from the house and leaving Mateo inside.
“Please don’t do this! Please! Mateo, please!”
Mateo ignores me completely, turning back to Vince to give him another kick. Colin pulls the door shut so I don’t have to watch.
“Please!” I scream at the closed door, throwing my weight against Colin as he drags me down the steps of my front porch, trying to get free.
“Please! Please!” I’m screaming now, crying. Clawing at Colin, trying to get loose. Trying to go back in the house. I need to get to him. I need to stop him.
“Shh, settle down, lass,” Colin says.
“Please!” I can’t breathe. Terror has claimed me and I feel like I’m losing my mind, flashes of Vince when I first met him blinking through my mind. Vince standing at my locker, waiting for me. Vince stealing the seat beside mine in class. Vince buying garlic bread for my little brother because I’m too fucking poor. Now it gets darker. Vince trying so hard to warn me about Mateo. Me telling Vince he’s crazy. Me defending Mateo. Me returning to Vince and seeing him asleep on the couch in his old room, trying to wait up for me because he knows I’m with Mateo, and he might hurt me.