He uses his authoritative tone to make the command, so I do, even if I feel like I don’t deserve to look at him.
“Don’t do that, Mia. Don’t get lost. You’re home and you’re in my arms again; nothing else matters. It doesn’t matter what you had to do to get here. I don’t care, and I don’t want you to care. No one else can touch you. You’re mine—that’s it. I would never let what someone else does to you ruin what’s between us. I’m not a weak man, Mia; I’m not Vince.”
“But you don’t know…” I trail off, my face crumbling.
“Then tell me.”
I shake my head, burying my face in his chest. It’s too terrible.
Mateo rubs my back, giving me comfort I don’t deserve. I understand what he’s saying. I know he thinks Vince forced me, and that’s something he can get past. But he doesn’t know what my stupid, drunk, slutty, needy alter ego did. He would never expect that of me, because he believes I’m loyal to him. And I am, that’s the worst part. I would rather die than hurt him, and I don’t know how to explain to him what happened. I don’t know how to explain that I was following commands, and that he reminded me of him, and that I let someone else touch me.
I also feel guilty ratting Rafe out like that. He was clear that he didn’t want me to tell Mateo about it, and despite Mateo’s claim that it’s all fine, I don’t know what he’ll do in response to this. I can’t imagine it would end well for Rafe if Mateo knew, and he is the one who brought me home. Maybe it took something awful to get him on my side, but it got me here. It brought me back to Mateo.
“I need you to forgive me, but I don’t want to tell you for what,” I finally murmur.
Mateo looks down into my eyes, then nods once. “Done.”
I cock my head skeptically. “You did not just forgive me that fast.”
“Blanket forgiveness. I’m not convinced you’ve done anything that requires forgiveness, but if you did, you have it. I’m not an impractical man, Mia.” He caresses my jawline with his perfect hand and even though I still feel icky, I bring my own hand up, guiding his to my mouth, placing kisses along that hand that I love. I trail my lips over his skin, watching his eyes warm with desire. My need for him kicks in, my need to please him, to worship him.
I let it take over. I don’t want words, words are awful. I want what’s real between us; I want what I can do for him that no one else can. I want to open myself up, to bathe in his darkness and emerge freer and cleaner for it.
“I need you to punish me.”
He watches me for a moment. I’m not sure he’s quite convinced for a second, but then he turns it off. He rises up on his knees, lifting me like a ragdoll and tossing me down on the bed. The breath rushes out of me and relief floods me. I’m nearly weak with it, watching as he undoes his belt and unzips his pants.
“You want my cock, Mia?”
Throbbing between my legs, I tell him, “Yes.”
“Do you think you deserve my cock?”
I swallow a lump of real shame in my throat, shaking my head no.
Fisting a hand in my hair, he pulls me up off the bed, pulling me forward onto my hands and knees. He pushes me down to his cock and I need to taste it, I need to take him into my mouth, but when I try, he jerks back on my hair.
“No. You don’t deserve my cock, remember?”
Hearing that only makes me need it more. “Please.”
Mateo shakes his head, holding me in place, grasping his cock with his other hand. He moves the soft, perfect tip across my lips, but gives my hair a punishing tug when I try to open my mouth for him. I close my mouth obediently, pulsing with need as he rubs his cock in my face but won’t let me have it.
“Please,” I say again. “Please, Mateo. Please.”
“Please what? Tell me what you want.”
“Please let me have your cock. I want it in my mouth. I want to give you pleasure.”
Nodding tersely, he pushes his cock toward my mouth again and I make a faint noise of relief as I close my lips around him, moving my head forward and taking him into my mouth. God, I love this man. I look up at him as I move my mouth over his cock, watching him watch me.
“That’s enough.”
I’m disappointed as he takes his cock away. He didn’t let me have it for long.
“Undress,” he commands, stroking his cock, making me watch.