“Jesus Christ, Meg.”
Grimacing, she says, “I know. I know. It was really bad. I’m sorry.”
I can’t stop shaking my head in bemused horror. “You are so much more Mateo than I realized.”
“I know. But I feel horrible, because I really didn’t think… I didn’t think Vince would hurt you.”
“Is this why you broke up? Does Mateo know about this?”
“God, no.” She shakes her head vehemently. “No, he would kill me. He would literally kill me.”
Yeah, he probably would. I shake my head, still reeling. “Why are you telling me?”
“Because I’ve felt horrible ever since I found out about this,” she says, indicating my stomach. “And it’s my fault, and I am guilt. I needed to tell someone, and you’re obviously the one who was the most hurt by my actions.”
“That is so fucked up. I don’t even know what to say to that, honestly.” I shake my head, trying to grasp it. I know Mateo and I weren’t as good at sharing as we thought we’d be, and I knew it wasn’t fair to her, but to do that? I would never have done that. I never even told him I didn’t want to share anymore, for fear of where she would end up if I did.
“I’m so sorry, Mia.”
“What the hell did you think was going to happen?” I ask her.
“I just told you.”
“I meant with Vince!”
Her eyes widen. “I didn’t think he was actually abusive! Possessive and jealous, sure, but if you were both away from Mateo, the trigger would be gone. I didn’t think he’d rape you.”
I wince, holding up a hand. “Let’s not use that word.”
“Well, that’s the word Mateo used,” she states. “And I’ve hardly been able to sleep since. I feel like a monster, and I’m so, so sorry. I’ve never done something so desperate in my life. And it didn’t even work; he made me feel even worse when you weren’t here and he still…” She trails off, shaking her head. “If it’s any consolation, what I did is why I extracted myself. I finally accepted that if he made me feel like that, we shouldn’t be together anymore. And I’m so, so, so sorry. I wish I could rewind and just bow out gracefully.”
“Jesus.” I still don’t know exactly what to say, but I can’t get over what a gigantic risk she took. “That was an incredibly stupid thing to do,” I inform her. “If he knew about this, he would be livid. Especially now! He is not happy about this pregnancy, Meg. Not even the tiniest bit.”
“I know,” she says, visibly sagging. “And I feel so terrible about that. I never wanted to hurt him. I mean, I didn’t even want to hurt you; I just wanted you out of the way.” She pauses to grimace. “All of this sounds really bad. I don’t feel this way now; it’s just how I felt when I sold you out. I understand none of this is helping my case. I should stop talking.”
“That’s not really your specialty,” I mutter.
“I’m a horrible, no-good, rotten friend. I should be put in stocks in the center of a public square where passersby can throw tomatoes at my face.”
“You’re a reckless, insane nutjob,” I inform her.
“Agreed,” she says, readily.
Sighing heavily, I fix her with a good glare. She looks so sincere though; I really do think she feels bad. “I have to know you would never do something like this again,” I inform her.
“No, of course not. I’m a crazy bitch, but not over a guy,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Not even that one. Nope. No thanks. That’s why I bowed out. Obviously I would never do anything like that again—I don’t even have the power to. Mateo’s sun rises and sets on you. It has since he first brought you back, and it shows no sign of letting up anytime soon.”
“Well, it didn’t, but I’m worried this baby is going to be a real issue. So, thanks for that.”
“I’m so, so, so sorry. You have no idea how awful I feel about that. I feel like I’m the reason you got—erm, what word do you prefer?”
“I prefer not referring to it at all,” I inform her.
“Well, whatever. I feel like something terrible happened to you and it was my fault. I really hoped you would just fall in love with Vince again and live happily ever after far, far away. I did not hope for this. And I know you’re not big on keeping secrets from Mateo, but I assume it goes without saying, unless you want to repay the favor now and get me out of your way….”
I shake my head. “I’m not going to tell him, don’t worry.”
“I’m so, so sorry about what Vince did. Seriously. If you need to talk about it… I know I got the gold in shitty friendship, but my door is open. Provided Mateo hasn’t realized we all talk in bathrooms when we don’t want him to hear and consequently hidden cameras in them, in which case he’s probably calling Adrian right now to dig me a shallow grave in a nearby forest.”