“It’s not much of a war, I just attack you and you love me anyway.”
I jab him in the abdomen. “I attack you with my love. I’m just so subtle you don’t even know.”
“You can attack me with your love anytime; I like it.”
It’s a hot but peaceful walk back to our room. I put our few groceries on the counter and in the fridge, then go over to join Mateo on the bed. He looks tired. The flight over here is long as hell and we’re both a little jetlagged.
“We should nap,” I tell him. “That way we’re rested for tomorrow.”
His head falls to the side and he raises his eyebrow like I’ve just said something unimaginably stupid. “If you think there’s even a chance I’m not going to fuck you senseless before we do any kind of sleeping, I don’t even know who you are.”
I laugh, lying beside him on the bed and curling up beside him. “Well, obviously you have to fuck me senseless first.” Dragging my hand across his chest, I rub his nipple through the fabric.
He watches my hand, a look of faint contemplation on his face. Then he meets my gaze, flattening his hand on mine to stop its journey across his chest. I smile because he flattened my hand over his heart, though I’m not sure he intended to.
“I want to give you your wedding present,” he says, suddenly.
My eyebrows rise in surprise. “My wedding present? I assumed you were my wedding present. I should warn you, I did not get you anything.”
His other hand snakes around my waist and he pulls me on top of him. Gazing up at me, he states, “As long as he doesn’t fuck things up again, I won’t kill Vince. I know you don’t want me to.”
I sigh so hard with relief, my body deflates. “Thank you,” I say, resting my head on his chest and hugging him.
“That’s not the whole present,” he states.
I pull back to look at him again, since he sounds so serious. “Okay.”
Mateo watches me as he tucks a fallen chunk of hair behind my Vince. “I know that Vince and Joey were in on the plot to kill me together. I know Vince told you.”
I can actually feel the color drain from my face. Fear grabs hold of me and drags down my insides. I go to pull back, though I’m not sure where I think I can go.
Mateo stops me. “No, I’m not…” He trails off, looking mildly frustrated. “I’ve been holding onto ammunition against you and I’m trying not to do that. I’m not trying to scare you. I just wanted you to know, this way there are no more secrets between us. I don’t like you keeping secrets from me. I know you care about people, but you can’t lie to me to protect them. That doesn’t work. If people make you lie to me, that just makes me angrier.” Lacing his fingers together with mine, he states, “You and I always have to come first.”
Everything about what he just said makes me feel horrible. Not only because I kept this secret for so many years, or because I know he’s right, but because I’m holding onto another secret he doesn’t know about.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him, quietly. “I tried to manage it on my own. I would’ve told you if he had any plans to try anything again.”
He nods, not making me explain. “I know. Just don’t do it again.”
I feel like pulling back, retreating. I know I don’t look adequately relieved, but he probably relates my guilt to Vince’s secret. He doesn’t know I have another one. Here he is, giving up his ammunition against me, and here I am, holding onto a secret to protect someone else.
That’s not right.
That’s not loyal.
That’s not good for us.
I take a deep breath and let it out.
Mateo regards me with a narrowed, curious look.
“What if there’s one more?” I ask, a bit timidly.
“Another secret?” he asks, his brown eyes sharpening with focus.
It makes me uncomfortable when he gets all predatory in this scenario, so I ease off him and sit up on the bed beside him. My stomach roils with anxiety—my poor baby is going to come out with an ulcer and a healthy fear of secrets, and it won’t even know why.
Keeping his tone level, he commands, “Tell me.”
“Please don’t do anything rash,” I plead, before I do. “I know I can’t always be worried about protecting people at any cost, but I really don’t think—I think it was a mistake, a huge, stupid, horrible mistake. She would never do it again—I really believe that. It was a stupid thing to do and she feels terrible. She wishes she could take it back. She hates that she hurt either one of us.”