Standing here all night isn’t going to make this any easier, so I take a breath, square my shoulders, and push open Mia’s bedroom door. It opens into her sitting room, which is dark. Her bedroom light is on, though, so I continue through the arch and pause just inside the doorway. Mateo is lying on her bed, still dressed. He took his jacket off and loosened his tie, but he’s lying there in his black slacks and white dress shirt, staring at the ceiling, his long fingers curled around a glass of presumably strong, expensive liquor at his side. I glance at the bedside table and find his favorite decanter right there so he won’t have to go too far for a refill.
Well, this is a little disheartening. This is what he would rather do than come to our bedroom? Lie here in a drunken stupor, staring at the ceiling? Awesome.
I clear my throat in case he didn’t hear me come in, but he doesn’t move. I’m sure he heard me come in. He has excellent hearing. If you lightly pat your pillow at night, you’ll wake him up from a dead sleep.
“Hey,” I say, gently.
He still doesn’t speak.
He hasn’t been speaking to me much. It makes me nervous on occasion. I know he’s not actually omniscient, but the man does know things he shouldn’t a lot of the time. It’s crossed my mind that maybe he’s freezing me out because he somehow knows about my involvement. It’s not impossible he put a listening device in my car. I haven’t given the man a single reason not to trust me, but for someone who doesn’t hold grudges, he’s sure been distant since the day I told Mia I was pregnant. At first I thought he was just punishing me, but then his indifference stretched on and I began to worry it was something worse than that. Usually his cold spells are limited to a few days. He can never stay mad at me for more than a week; I’m too goddamn accommodating.
This time, no amount of accommodating fixed it.
Christmas came a few weeks later and I eagerly awaited my gift. We’d been talking about a trip to Bora Bora, just the two of us. Given the gulf between us, I thought we could really use a few days alone.
There were plane tickets under the tree, but he gave them to Mia.
I got a diamond tennis bracelet and a pair of earrings.
Mia gifts. Things like that make Mia feel cherished and appreciated, but they just make me feel disappointed. He knows I’m not into that stuff; I prefer his time, I prefer experiences, stuff we can do together or share with the kids. I can buy all the stuff I want.
That was the morning I began to worry I’d lost my place. I watched my toddler crawl up into Mia’s lap and tilt her little head back to ask for help opening one of her gifts. There was too much tape. Mia dropped a kiss on top of her little head and helped her rip it open. It was a small thing, and ordinarily it doesn’t bother me at all that Mateo has insisted since Rosalie’s birth that she be close to Mia, but on Christmas morning it felt different. I realized beyond a shadow of a doubt, watching Mateo smiling warmly at his girls, Mia is not optional; I am.
That was the morning I realized maybe he wasn’t dealing me an excessive punishment; maybe he just simply didn’t care anymore. And if he didn’t care anymore, then I was in his way.
That was a scary fucking epiphany.
I was lucky if I got him twice a week after that, and even luckier if he touched me one of those nights. He took Mia on the getaway to Bora Bora. He took her to public functions. He stopped taking me out on dates. He still showed up to read Rosalie bedtime stories, but he stopped giving me goodnight kisses.
I sold the tennis bracelet and earrings. I hated them anyway for what they represented, and I realized it may be time to adjust. It may be time for a back-up plan. It may be time for an exit strategy. Mia’s locked into this thing ‘til death do they part, but hopefully I’m not.
If I am, I worried that death would be coming a lot quicker than I was prepared for. It’s possible the only thing that’s kept me alive this long is the Morelli boy finally growing in my womb. Mia wouldn’t let him hurt me, but he knows that, so if he wanted to he would just make sure to cover his ass.
But then Vince showed up. Me, I was already working on my exit strategy, but there he was, like a gift from the gods. If he could get Mia out of the way, Mateo would come back to me.