“I don’t understand Mia’s brain,” I finally say.
Smiling faintly, with a hint of sadness, he says, “Neither do I. She’s a more loving person than I believed could exist.”
I don’t even know how this surprises me at this point. After all he’s done to her, I’m not even sure rape is the worst of it. That he told me communicates more effectively than anything else that he’s done with me, though. That’s where I told him I drew the line, and now he’s telling me the truth so I can let him go.
“Did the man I loved ever exist?” I ask, without looking at him.
I can feel his eyes on me, but he takes a minute before responding. “In part.”
I nod slightly, but there’s not much oomph behind it. “Why bring me into this? If it was always her, why did you ever bring me into this mess?”
“I don’t regret bringing you into the family, Meg. You’re a wonderful woman, an incredible mother, and I do love you—but I love you like I love Adrian, not like I love Mia. I crave Mia. I didn’t think I could ever have her. I thought if I took her, I would break her. I misinterpreted her softness for fragility, her acceptance for naiveté. I thought she wanted to move on and get away from me, and I thought that was probably for the best. I thought you more capable of handling me, and I thought we could be happy together. I was, for a while. But it’s no coincidence I’ve never married; I get bored with people or they wear out on me. It’s not your fault, it’s nothing you did or didn’t do. If I’d never met Mia, maybe we would’ve lasted longer. But knowing that exists, knowing I can have it, knowing I can feel that much… nothing else could ever satisfy me now.”
“If I would’ve said no to sharing, would this have still happened?”
“Oh, yes,” he says, without hesitation. “Our relationship would’ve ended a long time ago.”
It’s nothing I couldn’t have already guessed, but it does still feel like a little slap to the ego hearing him say it. I nod my head, trying to process all this. “Thank you for your honesty.”
“Better late than never,” he offers, before taking another sip of his coffee. Apparently finished, he pushes back his chair to stand. “If there’s anything else you want, just let me know.”
“What if Mia doesn’t want me living here?”
He pauses, then smiles slightly. “Mia would’ve shared me for the rest of her life to keep me from killing you. She’s not going to object to you living under her roof.”
Her roof.
I feel a little like I have whiplash, but Mateo is clearly already over all this. I’ll be damned if I’m left behind, lingering in a relationship that no longer exists.
“Am I allowed to date?”
“Of course. Adrian will have to check out anyone you’re interested in, obviously.” He pauses to look at my baby bump. “Might want to wait until after he’s born, unless you have your eye on Alec. Anyone outside the family could potentially target you to get to my heir.”
I can’t bite back a smile at the ridiculousness of it all. “You’re cool with me dating your brother now.”
Mateo shrugs, pushing his chair in. “I don’t think you’re his type, but you’re persuasive. It would make both our lives easier if you kept it in the family.”
“This is insane. You’re insane.”
He flashes me a little smile. “You knew that.”
It’s the strangest thing to feel good right now, but I like Mateo being honest with me. I like having back the friendly camaraderie that’s been missing between us for months. In the weirdest way, it feels like breaking up is the best thing we could have possibly done for our relationship. I’m no longer one more burden on his shoulders, there’s no longer pressure on him to feel something he doesn’t and uphold duties he’s no longer interested in.
I wish we would’ve had this conversation before they went to the Bahamas. I wish he would’ve confessed his truth sooner.
I wish I would’ve told Vince not to come back to the bakery, to move on with his life. I wish I would have told Mia to stay home that morning, just in case he didn’t listen.
Most of all, I hope Mateo never finds out about my involvement. He may be amicable now, but if he ever finds out I helped Vince take Mia away from him, I am fucked.