It’s a hard choice between Maddie and Ma, but at the end of the day, I have to go with Maddie. Francesca doesn’t seem surprised, but she doesn’t even have a mom.
“How weird is it to have essentially no parents?” I ask, because it’s crossed my mind a few times.
Francesca shrugs, her gaze locked on the waitress as she finally brings over that last drink. “Thank you,” she says politely. Once the waitress is gone, she turns her attention back to me as she takes a sip. “I guess I don’t really know. I don’t know any other way.”
It’s no wonder they’re all so fucked up. A house full of rich orphans with no enforceable rules. They’re like a forest fire just waiting for someone to drop a match.
“Your dad’s sick, right? You guys still don’t have much of a relationship?”
She shakes her head firmly. “Nope. Just because he’s sick I should want a relationship with him? My father’s a monster. He’s caused unfathomable pain to everyone whose life he’s ever touched. He’s the most toxic person I can ever imagine. I get so afraid sometimes Mateo will turn into him.”
“Really?” I ask, a little surprised to hear that. “Your brother strikes me as a very logical guy. Matt was ruled by his emotions.”
“That’s why he’s so logical,” she says, shaking her head, almost sympathetic. “But he lacks the same love my father lacks—nobody loves Mateo. We’ve all tried, but it’s impossible to maintain. He takes and he takes but he doesn’t replenish. He demands loyalty from every last one of us, but he doesn’t give any back. And most of the time he’s much more controlled than our father, but when Mateo does lose his temper, he loses it big. He lost his temper with Beth. He was a little younger then, not as self-possessed as he is now. He worked harder at controlling himself after he lost her, but… well, frankly killing your unfaithful spouse is a page straight out of the Matt Morelli playbook. God knows what’ll happen down the road if he ever ensnares some other unsuspecting woman.”
“He had kind of strong incentive though, right?” I can’t believe she’s making me defend her asshole brother. “I mean, I don’t like what he did either, but like Maddie said, when you turn rat, you kind of know what’s gonna happen. It’s just not something you do in this life.”
“But Beth wasn’t part of this life. I mean, she was once she was with him, but she didn’t know what she was getting into. She didn’t know loving Mateo would turn into a prison sentence. I could’ve told her that. I did tell her that, but she didn’t listen to me. He’s a very difficult, manipulative, cold person. You can love him and love him and love him, but he never gives it back.” She shrugs, rolling her eyes. “Well, I guess he loved her back for a while. But I could’ve told her what it’s like when he doesn’t. She’s probably lucky she never encountered it. Maybe she’s lucky she died still possessing his love, because his indifference is a whole different kind of hell. When Mateo doesn’t have a use for you, all he does is hurt you.”
“Like he doesn’t have a use for you?” I guess.
Nodding sadly, she says, “Yeah. Since I don’t have a mother or father, it might be nice if the head of the family had a heart.”
Jeeze. “Well, I can’t do much about him, but at least I can assure you that’s part of your past, not your future. You don’t have to feel like that anymore. I know I’m not your family, but it’s the damndest thing, it feels like you are.”
Snorting delicately, she says, “Like I’m one of your sisters?”
“No.” I roll my eyes. “Like you’re my…” I can’t say wife, since I damn sure can’t dangle that kind of thought in front of her. But it’s the only way I can think to explain it. Not in a sappy, cheesy way, just practically speaking. What other woman gets the shelter of your family purely because you care about her? Girlfriends don’t. Given her unique situation, there’s no half-assing my feelings here. It would be cruel. It would make her right that first night in the bar, when she told me I was going to wreck her. And I can’t stomach the thought of ever doing anything like that to Francesca.
She saves me from the thing I can’t say, tipping back her drink then saying, “Okay, next question.”
I think it’s her turn, but I don’t say that. “Okay. Flip side of the first question—if you had to sacrifice one member of your family, who would it be? Mateo?” I guess.
“Hmm.” Her eyes drift up as she thinks it over. Given what she just said, I thought that’s be an easy one. “It’s kind of hard because Dante’s pretty evil, too, and he’s harder than Mateo. Like, Dante encourages Mateo when he’s being awful. He’s like the devil on Mateo’s shoulder, and that’s scary. The absolute worst shit, like the truly evil things, Dante is in his ear pointing out the upside.”