“What do you want me to say?” I hedged.
“Tell me you’re not going to break his heart.”
I couldn’t tell her that. My mouth parted and I confessed my sins.
“There’s someone else.”
Her eyes widened and I began to tell her the story.
Fifteen
Past
Feeling like my heart had been beaten to a pulp, I stood in front of the door a second before I knocked.
Lizzy, as if waiting on the other side until I’d gathered the last of my courage, flung open the door and hauled me inside.
“Look at you,” she said, pushing strands of dampened hair from the sides of my face.
“Oh honey.” She pulled me into a fierce hug. “He’s a dumb jerk face.”
I had to smile. My best friend had far more colorful words in her vocabulary, but out of consideration for my time in need said the right things to make me laugh and cry at the same time.
But what made her my very best friend in the world was taking me in without notice so close to the holidays.
“Mom’s thrilled you’ll be spending Christmas with us.” She stepped back as if she understood I didn’t want this to be a thing. “With Matt being a dumb jerk face too, he isn’t coming home. She’s looking forward to spoiling someone else besides me.”
When I just stood there feeling the chill from the outside temperatures still invading my skin, she snagged my bag from my hand.
“Come, you can have Matty’s room. Not like he’s coming home anytime soon. It’s got its own bath and everything.”
She took my hand to get me moving and I followed her into the room. It was spacious, bigger than the bedroom Scott and I had shared. It was painted in shades of gray and blue, but didn’t completely look like a bachelor’s space.
“Thanks,” I managed to say, still hovering in the doorway.
“Stop. I’m so excited to have you here. You know I’ve always wanted to trade in my brother for a sister.”
Her grin was enormous and it was hard to stop my mouth from forming a likewise upward curve.
“Still, I’ll pay you rent, and I’ll start looking for my own place.”
She waved a hand while I couldn’t manage to lift my lead feet. “That’s nonsense. You just got here. As for rent, forget it. You’re my guest for however long you need it.”
Her kindness broke the fragile hold I’d had on my emotions. I burst into soul-wrenching sobs. And not so much for the man, but for how stupid I’d been. Gone was the girl who’d run from a society where men ruled. What was in her place was a woman who’d slipped right into the rules of how I’d been raised. I’d trusted a man I shouldn’t have because I’d allowed myself to believe that was better than the invisible scarlet S for sinner I’d worn for sleeping with a man who wasn’t my husband.
She wiped at my tears. “You will not let that scum bucket, limp dick—no, scratch that—tiny dick, no good, lying asshat have this much power over you.”
The one thing she hadn’t said was I told you and I loved her more for that.
“You shower the stink of that jerk face off of you and we are going out for a night on the town.”
I shook my head. “I can’t. I just want—”
She snapped her finger. “Ice cream.”
Slowly, I nodded, wanting to marry her that instant. She was better at sensing my needs than anyone in a long time.
“We’ll watch empowering movies like Kill Bill, Thelma and Louise, or Carrie.” Her face lit up on the last one. “Or maybe 9 to 5. Mom made me watch it with her when Turtle Face Timmy called me awful names made me cry.”
My smile widened a little more. “You know you’re the best.”
She nodded. “But don’t think we are going to spend every night here. Trust me. We are going out. I’ll take you to my favorite little dive bar and—” She got a little more excited. “New Year’s Eve, we are going to the best party ever.”
True to her word, she’d allowed me to wallow the first night. But after, we’d played pool several nights at her dive bar. Another night we’d wandered into a bar full of Harvard wannabes and didn’t last there long. It was so far from Lizzy’s scene. We’d eaten at her parents’ house a few times, and had dinner at restaurants at others, until that night came.
It was hard to forget that I was supposed to get married that night. I tried and failed as I got ready to go to the big New Year’s Eve bash at the fancy hotel Lizzy was taking me to.
“Damn, girl, you look fuckable.”
My jaw slackened and I looked at myself in horror.
Lizzy laughed. “Stop. You look great, not like a slut—not exactly.” When I made a move to find something else, she giggled. “I’m only kidding. Besides, this night is like Vegas. What happens tonight will disappear when morning comes. We won’t speak of it.”