I didn’t know what to do anymore. I wasn’t sure what to think. And who the fuck knew how she felt about me? Maybe she truly was just trying to help me out and didn’t share my deeper feelings. Maybe she was annoyed that I’d stepped into her conversation with Daryl. Maybe she resented that I’d insinuated that she couldn’t handle him herself.
When Lanie got up from her nap, I was restless. I couldn’t stay in the house any longer. I couldn’t sit here at the window and wait for Amanda to come to me. So I got Lanie dressed, put her in my truck, and headed to the lake. It was way too cold to swim, but sitting by the water was relaxing. Lanie enjoyed running around the edge of the lake and playing in the flower fields nearby. The peacefulness of the surroundings helped to clear my mind.
Amanda and I hadn’t discussed our feelings toward one another. I knew she wanted me sexually. That much was obvious every time I was around her. But emotionally? I didn’t know. It wasn’t a topic I’d ever thought to bring up, but now that I had come to understand my own emotional state, having that conversation was all I could think about.
“Uncle Bwian! Look!”
Lanie came running up to me and stumbled into my lap. She was holding what was possibly the only flower in that entire fucking field. The look of pride on her face was evident as she held it up to me, showcasing her moment of the day.
“It’s alive, see?” Lanie asked.
“I see that,” I said. “Is that the only flower?”
“Uh huh,” she said breathlessly.
“Did you pluck it to put in your hair?” I asked.
“Uh huh,” she said, smiling. “Help?”
I sat her on my lap and began braiding her wispy hair like Tanya had once shown me. I didn’t have a hair tie to fasten the braid, but I was able to get it tight enough to stick the flower at the crown of her head. She pranced around like she was the princess of her castle, running to the edge of the water to look at her reflection.
I got up and chased after her, holding her hand so she wouldn’t tumble in.
“I’m so pretty,” Lanie said.
“Yes, you are,” I said.
“ I need more flowers.”
“Well, when summer rolls around there will be plenty of flowers.”
“And bugs,” she said, grinning.
“And bugs,” I said with a smirk.
Lanie lifted her arms for me to pick her up, wanting me to throw her high in the sky. I backed away from the shoreline of the lake and tossed her up, listening to her giggles fall from her dainty little lips. My heart soared with love for this little girl as she laughed so hard she squealed. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. Now that she had become a part of it, I couldn’t see anything else there but her.
Just like with Amanda.
“You ready for some dinner?” I asked.
“Pizza!” Lanie said.
“We had pizza yesterday for lunch,” I said, chuckling. “How about spaghetti?”
“Amana coming?” she asked.
I hugged Lanie close before I pressed a kiss to the side of her head.
“We’ll make some for her just in case. But I think Amanda’s busy tonight,” I said.
Lanie and I headed back home, my heart thudding painfully in my chest.
CHAPTER 23
Amanda
“Why the fuck is this asshole even in town, Sarah?” I asked. “I mean, what the hell did he think I was going to do!?”
“Go home with him, I guess.”
“And what the fuck did I ever do in the past two months to give him that impression?” I asked.
“It’s Daryl, Amanda. He doesn’t need an impression. He gets an idea and thinks if he goes hard enough for it, his charm will do the rest.”
“Charm? He stood right on that fucking sidewalk and called my art a ‘silly little hobby’ or whatever the fuck he said.”
“Which is why he’s an asshole, and you broke up with him,” she said.
“But why the hell is he in town? How the hell did he even know I was here?” I asked.
“I think that might partially be my fault,” she said.
I stopped as the other end of the line went quiet.
“What did you do?” I asked.
“It wasn’t intentional. I swear. When you weren’t responding to his text messages and shit when you left, he came to my work, asking me a bunch of questions about where you were. I might have let slip that you were flying here to get away from him.”
I sighed as I fell back onto the couch.
“I swear to hell, I didn’t think he’d follow you. I was just trying to make a point about the lengths you were going to in order to get away from him. Remember how insistent he was to talk with you those first couple of days after you broke up with him?”